Subject: Sex (Page 16)

The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs less.

(1923 – 1964) Irish poet, short story writer, novelist & playwright

Chastity is no more a virtue than malnutrition.

(1920 – 2000) physician, gerontologist, pacifist, anarchist & writer

If he's stuck with the shrew, I hope he screws everything that's not tied down.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

By the time my friend was eighteen she had sown enough wild oats to make a grain deal with Russia.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress

Love will find a lay.

(1930 – ) American author and billiard player, teacher & commentator

I don’t understand the whole concept of a massage; you get a woman to rub all over every single part of your body except the one part you really want rubbed on.

(1968 – ) American comedian, actor & country music artist

Trust me, ladies, if you knew even for a second how we men really look at you, you would never stop slapping us.

(1953 – ) American comedian, actor, voice artist, & columnist

My wife told me: ‘Sex is better on holiday.’ … that wasn’t a very nice postcard to receive.

comedian & writer

People think I hate sex; I don’t; I just don’t like things that stop you seeing the television properly.

(1953 – 2016) British comedian, actress, singer & screenwriter

I would like to be able to watch the evening news with my family and not have to explain what oral sex means to my wife.

American comedian & writer

I don't like sex on television… I keep falling off.


It doesn’t matter what you do in the bedroom as long as you don’t do it in the street and frighten the horses.

(1865-1940) English actress

I went to a massage parlor; it was self service.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

If you want to stop two people from having sex, let them get married

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian, television writer/producer & radio host

Don’t bother discussing sex with small children… they rarely have anything to add.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist

The cardinal rule of politics: never get caught in bed with a live man or a dead woman.

(1931– 2012) American actor, producer & director

I honestly believe there is absolutely nothing like going to bed with a good book… or a friend who’s read one.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor

One day as I came home early from work… I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, “Hey buddy, why are you doing that?” He said, “Because you came home early.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

Chaste makes waste.

A lot of people are very critical of modern reproductive processes without understanding all the ins and outs.

(1940 – ) English professor, medical doctor, scientist & politician

She's so pure, Moses couldn't even part her knees.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director