Subject: Sex (Page 17)

I figured out I’m bisexual; I have sex twice a year.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Sex

Remember the old days when all you needed for safe sex was a padded headboard?

American comedian
Sex

Look. Last night you felt like a woman and I felt like a man… and that's the kind of thing those people do.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

Abstinence is a perversion.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Sex

I know I must be really good in bed, because women always ask me if there’s any possible way I could make it last longer.

Sex

I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it.

Sex

She's Cherokee Indian, which is great 'cause whenever we have sex, it rains.

(1970 – ) American actor, producer & stand up comedian
Sex Situations

All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I’ll put it this way… I had it out.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Sex

The three words you never want to hear while making love… honey, I'm home.


Sex Situations

I was filling out a questionnaire that said, “Who would you most like to sleep with – anyone living or dead?” I said “Anyone living.”

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Sex Situations Wordplay

I like a big, strong, hardworking man, a man who wakes up early in the morning eager to work hard – day-in and day-out – just working and sweating and sweating and working, and when it’s all over, he showers and goes to his job.

comedian
Men Sex

You know that the Tasmanians, who never committed adultery, are now extinct.

(1874 – 1965) English dramatist & novelist
Marriage Sex

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Husbands Marriage Sex

The only difference between group sex and group therapy is that in group therapy you hear about everyone's problems and in group sex you see them.

(1953 – ) comedian, political commentator and television & radio personality
Activities Sex

Bragging that you had sex with a prostitute is like bragging that you got Doritos out of a vending machine.

(1974 – ) American comedian
Sex

My vagina is like Newark [New Jersey]; men know it’s there, but they don’t want to visit.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Self Sex

I went to a meeting for premature ejaculators… I left early.

(1894 – 1974) comedian, radio & television host
Sex Time

Sex can be fun after eighty, after ninety, and after lunch!

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Eating Food/Drink Sex

For certain people, after fifty, litigation takes the place of sex.

(1925 – 2012) author, playwright, essayist & screenwriter
Age Law Old Sex

The Beginners Guide to Sex In the Afterlife

Book Titles Sex

Now I keep reading that I'm over the hill sexually; I don't even remember having a sexual peak when I was 19; I just remember apologizing a lot.

(1959 – ) American stand-up comedian
Sex