Subject: Sex (Page 17)

You cannot over estimate how infantile men are about sex; men are people that have sex because they have a headache… or are on fire, or have been shot in the head, or whatever it is!

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Men People Sex

I took a girl out on a date the other night and I knew it wasn't gonna go anywhere sexually, you know, because I was out of chloroform and rags.

(1961 – ) American actor & comedian
Dating Sex

Women are removing sperm from the bodies of their dead husbands; kind of ironic… when they’re alive, most men can’t give it away.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
People Sex Women

I’d rather spend New Year’s Eve alone than at a party; then at least there’s a guarantee of sex.

(1975 – ) English comedian
Sex

Peggy: I want sex.

Al: So do I, but I see no reason to drag you into it.

(1946 – ) American actor
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

I finally just slept with my high school crush; but I swear; now he expects me to go to his graduation – like I know where I’m going to be in three years.

(1981 – ) American Comedian
Relationships Sex

Men are only as loyal as their options.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Men Sex

The closest I’ve ever come to saying "no" [to a woman] is "Not now, we’re landing."

(1947) is an American actor, author & producer
Sex

I sold the memoirs of my sex life to a publisher – they are going to make a board game out of it.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Sex

Sex is better than talk… talk is what you suffer through so you can get to sex.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Communication Conversation Sex Speech

I’m not saying she’s easy, but she’s been in so many motel rooms her nickname is ‘Gideon.’

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
People Sex Women

You treat my daughter with respect – you buy her breakfast if she puts out.

American comedian & writer
Relationships Sex

I'm a great lover… I bet.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Beliefs Opinion Sex

I watching a weird porn the other day; it was just a fat man crying and wanking at the same time…. then realized I hadn't turned the TV on.

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
People Self Sex

The best way to get over a guy is to get under a new one!

Dating Men Relationships Sex

How many husbands have I had?… do you mean apart from my own?

(1917 – 2016) Hungarian-born American actress
Husbands Marriage Sex

An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.

(1894 – 1963) English writer
Intelligence Sex

What does an atheist say during an orgasm?

(1961 – ) American stand-up comedian
Beliefs Religion Sex

Chastity: Perhaps the most peculiar of all sexual aberrations.

Definitions Sex

If you’re going to have sex with a stranger …. always, always, always ask.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Sex

My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Self Sex