Subject: Sex (Page 18)

My girlfriend says that she thinks her husband is the world’s greatest lover, but she hasn’t been able to catch him at it!

Marriage Sex

I was the best I ever had.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
People Self Sex

My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Self Sex

Not nearly as exciting as it would be if I were acknowledged as one of the greatest lays in the world.

(1925 – 2006) American actress
Acting Entertainment Sex

I tell ya, my wife likes to talk during sex; last night, she called me from a motel.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Communication Marriage Sex Speech Wives

I feel like Adam when he said to Eve, “Back up, I don't know how big this gets.”

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Sex Situations

My grandmother died having sex… I still cry every time I watch the video.

(Uncle Lar) American comedian
Age Family Sex

[after sex with the monster] Oh, where you going?… Oh, you men are all alike. Seven or eight quick ones and then you’re out with the boys to boast and brag.

(1942 – 1999) American actress
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

I just got back from the Middle East, where I performed for 15,000 men – and then I did my comedy.


Entertainment Places Sex

The trouble is not that players have sex the night before a game, it’s that they stay out all night looking for it.

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager
Baseball Sex Sports

Men are only as loyal as their options.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Men Sex

Hannah: Excessive masturbation?

Mickey: You gonna start knockin’ my hobbies?

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

I'm a man. Men have got another thing… they got waddya call, a carnival instinctuals.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Malaprops Sex

Einstein used science to get laid; that guy is a genius… I've been using money.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian
Sex

Self-abuse is the sincerest kind.

David Gerrold (1944 – ) science fiction author
Activities Self Sex

So, I’m licking jelly off my boyfriend… and all of a sudden I’m thinking… oh, my God, I’m turning into my mother.

(1970 – ) American comedian, writer & actress
Family Mothers Sex Situations

Incest: in many parts of the Bible Belt, the most popular form of dating.

American author
Dating Relationships Sex

I saw a pair of knickers today on the front it said, “I would do anything for love” and on the back it said “but I won't do that.”

(1975 – ) English comedian
Emotions Love Sex

I once went on a date and asked the woman if she'd brought any protection… she pulled a switchblade on me.

writer, website creator
Dating Sex Situations

Abstinence makes the heart go wander.

(1953 – ) American writer
Sex

Kids in back seats cause accidents, accidents in back seats cause kids.

Children Family Sex Wordplay