Subject: Sex (Page 18)

One night I figured – let my wife make the first move… she went to Florida.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage Sex Situations Wives

It is impossible to believe that the same God who permitted His own son to die a bachelor regards celibacy as an actual sin.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Beliefs God Religion Sex

Men get laid, but women get screwed.

(1908 – 1999) English writer
Language Men People Sex Women

We got new advice as to what motivated man to walk upright… to free his hands for masturbation.

(1935 – ) screenwriter, author, director & producer
Sex

Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Emotions Laughter Sex

Young Bridesmaid: What's bonking?

Scarlett: Well, it's kinda like table tennis, only with slightly smaller balls.

(1968 – 2001) English actress
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

The good thing about masturbation is that you don't have to dress up for it.

(1924 – 1984) American author
Appearance Clothing Sex

Nymphomania: A disease where the patient enjoys being bedridden.

Definitions Sex

In real love you want the other person's good; in romantic love, you want the other person.

(1886 – 1973) American writer
Emotions Love Sex

In the past few years, I've only had sex with months that end in 'arch.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian
Sex

The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

You were born with your legs apart; they'll send you to the grave in a Y-shaped coffin.

(1933 – 1967) English playwright
Insults Sex

I went to a meeting for premature ejaculators… I left early.

(1894 – 1974) comedian, radio & television host
Sex Time

Were kisses all the joys in bed, one woman would another wed.

(1564 – 1616) English dramatist & poet
People Sex Women

Ahh, Earth Day, the only day of the year where being able to hacky-sack will get you laid.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Activities Sex Situations

It's so unfair because I go out of my way not to treat women like objects and end up having to treat objects like women.

stand-up comedian
People Sex Things Women

Oral contraceptive: The word "no."

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Communication Language Sex

I like my cigar, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Children Family Sex

I learned whether you are gay, bisexual, it doesn’t matter, you know… because, at the end of the day, they’re both gross.

(1970 – ) American comedian, writer & actress
People Sex

I’d rather spend New Year’s Eve alone than at a party; then at least there’s a guarantee of sex.

(1975 – ) English comedian
Sex

If Miss means respectably unmarried, and Mrs. respectably married, then Ms. means nudge, nudge, wink, wink.

(1940 – 1992) English writer
Language Marriage Sex