Subject: Sex (Page 18)

Everything that goes up must come down; but there comes a time when not everything that's down can come up.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
People Self Sex

Sex and death; two things that come once in a lifetime… only after death, you’re not so nauseous.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Death Sex

If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Activities Girls People School Sex

The difference between a child’s toy and an adult toy is: location, location, location.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Sex Things

There's only one thing wrong with wife swapping… you get another wife.

writer, website creator
Marriage Sex Wives

I have low self-esteem; when were in bed together, I would fantasize that I was someone else.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Characteristics People Self Sex

Few men know how to kiss well. Fortunately, I've always had time to teach them.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Activities Sex

Like most comics, I just broke up with my girlfriend… the reason we broke up is because I caught her lying – under another man.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian
Girlfriends Language Relationships Sex

In the middle of an asthma attack she got an obscene phone call; the guy said, “Did I call you or did you call me?”

comedian
Health Sex

My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Self Sex

If Miss means respectably unmarried, and Mrs. respectably married, then Ms. means nudge, nudge, wink, wink.

(1940 – 1992) English writer
Language Marriage Sex

I once stole a pornographic book that was printed in Braille; I used to rub the dirty parts.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Sex

Sam: [angry] You want to know the truth? It wasn’t four honeys. It was four hundred women… easy.

Diane: [coolly] They’d have to be.

(1949 – ) American actress
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

The only thing wrong with being an atheist is that there's nobody to talk to during an orgasm.

Beliefs God Sex

Let's face it: a date is a job-interview, that lasts all night; the only difference between a date and a job interview is: not many job-interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end of it.

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor
Dating Sex Situations

When a man talks dirty to a woman, its sexual harassment; when a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $3.95 per minute.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Sex

I’m not a good lover, but at least I’m fast.

(1958 – ) standup comedian, actor, game show host & photographer
Sex

I learned whether you are gay, bisexual, it doesn’t matter, you know… because, at the end of the day, they’re both gross.

(1970 – ) American comedian, writer & actress
People Sex

I’m too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I don’t know.

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor
Characteristics Communication Sex

Candy, is dandy, but liquor, is quicker.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Alcohol Food/Drink Sex Time

Sex is God's joke on human beings.

(1908 – 1989) American actress of film, television & theater
Beliefs God People Sex