Subject: Sex (Page 19)

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Sex

The only unnatural sex act is that which you cannot perform.

(1894 – 1956) American biologist & professor
Sex

Losing my virginity was a career move.

(1958 – ) American singer, actress & entrepreneur
Sex Work

I'm a lousy piece of ass… and I should know… every man I have been with has told me so.

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Sex

I don't know why people video tape sex because after I have sex, the only thing I can think of is that I'm glad nobody saw that.

(1978 – ) American comedian & writer
Sex

To please a woman in bed, all a man has to do is a poetry course; they also have to learn that the Kama Sutra is not an Indian takeaway and that the mutual orgasm is not an insurance company.

(1958 – ) Australian author
People Sex Women

Anal sex is a lot like spinach: if you’re forced to have it as a child, you won’t enjoy it as an adult.

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Sex

Before I met my wife, I had virtually no experience; I remember on our wedding night, I tried to inflate her.

(1978 – ) American stand-up comedian
Sex

Sex between two people is a beautiful thing – between five it's fantastic.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Sex

Programming is like sex: one mistake and you’re providing support for a lifetime.


Computers Sex Things

If You Want Closure in Your Relationship, Start With Your Legs

Book Titles Relationships Sex

A study shows that ninety per cent of men inflate the number of their sex partners, while the other ten per cent inflate their sex partners.

(1962 – ) American actor and talk show host
Men People Sex

During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me; just the other night she called me from a hotel.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Communication Sex Speech

Pedophiles don't want to be called pedophiles; they want to be called priests.

American stand-up comedian
Sex

The cardinal rule of politics: never get caught in bed with a live man or a dead woman.

(1931– 2012) American actor, producer & director
Government Politics Sex

If they ever invent a vibrator that can open pickle jars, we’ve had it.

(1964 – ) English comedian & writer
People Sex Women

Literature is mostly about having sex and not much about having children; life is the other way round.

(1935 – ) British author
Books Children Communication Family Life Reading/Writing Sex

A sexagenarian? At his age? I think that’s disgusting!

(1895 – 1964) comedian (wife & partner of George Burns)
Age Misspokements Old Sex TV/Movie Quotes

A birth-control pill for men, that's fair. It makes more sense to take the bullets out of the gun than to wear a bulletproof vest.

American actor & comedian
Men People Sex

I talk a lot about women in my act, 'cause let's face it – if I was hungry, I would talk about food.

American actor & comedian
Food/Drink Sex Speech Women

I don’t talk during sex ‘cause it’s embarrassing and it might wake her up.

stand-up comedian & writer
Communication Sex Speech