Subject: Sex (Page 2)

When my wife has sex, she screams… especially when I walk in on her.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Sex

I wouldn’t kidnap a man for sex, but I’m not saying I couldn’t use someone to oil the mower.

(1953 – 2016) British comedian, actress, singer & screenwriter
Men People Sex Situations

Sex is the poor man’s polo.

(1906 – 1963) playwright, screenwriter & socialist
Sex Sports

I like to date school teachers; if you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Dating Sex

Perform sex? Uh, uh, I don’t think I’m up to a performance, but I’ll rehearse with you, if you like.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

Everything that goes up must come down; but there comes a time when not everything that's down can come up.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
People Self Sex

If you want to stop two people from having sex, let them get married

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian, television writer/producer & radio host
Marriage Sex

The only time my wife and I had a simultaneous orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Divorce Marriage Sex

I like American women; they do things sexually Russian girls never dream of doing… like showering.

(1951 – ) Soviet-American comedian
Activities Places Sex

If someone had told me years ago that sharing a sense of humor was so vital to partnerships, I could have avoided a lot of sex.

(1973 – ) English actress
Relationships Sex

Group sex… are you kidding, I had group sex… my wife screwed me in front of the jury.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Divorce Marriage Sex Wives

Your idea of fidelity is not having more than one man in bed at the same time.

(1931 – ) American-born, British screenwriter, novelist & journalist
Insults Sex

What does an atheist say during an orgasm?

(1961 – ) American stand-up comedian
Beliefs Religion Sex

… geronomous zones and the floorplay, you spoil all the waddya call the mystiqueries of things.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Malaprops Sex

If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it?

(1945 – ) singer, actress & comedian
Books Communication Sex

I can still enjoy sex at 74; I live at 75, so it's no distance.

(1928 – 2003) English entertainer
Age Emotions Sex

By the time my friend was eighteen she had sown enough wild oats to make a grain deal with Russia.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
People Sex

Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Activities Sex

I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is "don't tell the butcher!"

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage Sex Situations Wives

It's so unfair because I go out of my way not to treat women like objects and end up having to treat objects like women.

stand-up comedian
People Sex Things Women

Is that a ten-gallon hat [resting on a cowboy's lap] or are you just enjoying the show?

(1942 – 1999) American actress
Sex TV/Movie Quotes