Subject: Sex (Page 20)

My girlfriend said she wanted me to tease her, so I said "Alright, fatty."

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Sex

Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake whole relationships.

American comedian
Men Relationships Sex Women

Sex between two people is a beautiful thing – between five it's fantastic.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Sex

Trust me, ladies, if you knew even for a second how we men really look at you, you would never stop slapping us.

(1953 – ) American comedian, actor, voice artist, & columnist
Men People Sex Women

My wife has cut me down to once a month; I'm lucky…
I know two guys she cut off completely.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage Sex Situations Wives

If someone had told me years ago that sharing a sense of humor was so vital to partnerships, I could have avoided a lot of sex.

(1973 – ) English actress
Relationships Sex

Of course a platonic relationship is possible, but only between husband and wife.


Marriage Relationships Sex

Kinky is using a feather; perverted is using the whole chicken.

Sex

What was I thinking when I said “I do”? I’d already had sex with her; I didn’t need that again.

(1946 – ) American actor
Marriage Sex TV/Movie Quotes

And most men seem to think ‘mutual orgasm’ is an insurance company.

(1958 – ) Australian author
Men People Sex

When a guy goes to a hooker, he's not paying her for sex, he's paying her to leave.

People Sex

If I have an orgasm, I feel that I have to give six weeks of community service to various charities.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Activities Characteristics Sex

After lovemaking do you: A) go to sleep? B) light a cigarette? or C) return to the front of the bus?

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Sex Situations

A kiss that speaks volumes is seldom a first edition.

(1892 – 1972) American comedian, dancer & composer
Emotions Sex Wordplay

I don't know why people video tape sex because after I have sex, the only thing I can think of is that I'm glad nobody saw that.

(1978 – ) American comedian & writer
Sex

I once went to one of those parties where everyone throws their car keys into the middle of the room; I don’t know who got my moped but I’ve been driving that Peugeot for years.

(1953 – 2016) British comedian, actress, singer & screenwriter
Sex Situations

Sex again Peg? … we’ve been married seventeen years now; can’t we just be friends?

(1946 – ) American actor
Marriage Sex TV/Movie Quotes

A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Men Mistakes People Sex Women

Although humans tend to view sex as mainly a fun recreational activity sometimes resulting in death, in nature it is a far more serious matter.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
People Sex

Sex without love is merely healthy exercise.

(1907 – 1988) science fiction author
Emotions Exercise Love Sex

My girlfriend called me at 11:00 this morning and said “I'm still in bed." … I said, “I know, I’ve had sex with you.”

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
Sex