Subject: Sex (Page 21)

I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in it's holder is a thrill.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

I went to a hooker…  I dropped my pants… she dropped her price.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

Kids in back seats cause accidents, accidents in back seats cause kids.

Sex drive—a physical craving that begins in adolescence and ends at marriage.

(1930 – ) American author and billiard player, teacher & commentator

One of my favorite oxymorons is engagement party.

writer, website creator

I was the best I ever had.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

It’s weird to hear a girl laugh when I’m not making love to her.

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor

Self-abuse is the sincerest kind.

David Gerrold (1944 – ) science fiction author

Sex is God's joke on human beings.

(1908 – 1989) American actress of film, television & theater

Hey, don’t knock masturbation. It’s sex with someone I love.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

Einstein used science to get laid; that guy is a genius… I've been using money.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian

Kinky sex involves the use of duck feathers; perverted sex involves the whole duck.

(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist

Sex with me when I'm really drunk is like being at the dentist… you can tell something's going on but you don't exactly know what it is.

(1965 – ) comedian, actor, screenwriter, television producer & director

Yes, I haven’t had enough sex.

(1906 – 1984) English poet, writer & broadcaster

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back and I replied, ‘Yes, who did you think it was?'

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor

What do people mean when they say the computer went down on me?

comedian, commentator, radio host, reporter & writer

I’ve never laughed a woman into bed, but I’ve laughed one out of bed many times.

(1988 – ) English comedian, television presenter & actor

In a way, comedy is like sex… the more noise you hear, the better you think you’re doing.

(1957 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & screenwriter

Sex: The formula by which one and one makes three.

I remember what I was doing the first time I told someone I loved them… I was lying to get sex.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor