Subject: Sex (Page 23)

Abstinence is a perversion.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Sex

Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing was happening, so I said to her, “What’s the matter, you can’t think of anybody either?”

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Sex

I really detest movies like Indecent Proposal and Pretty Woman because they send a message to women that sleeping with a rich man is the ultimate goal; and really that’s such a small part of it.

(1969 – ) American actress, comedian, producer & writer
Entertainment Film Sex Women

I would like to be able to watch the evening news with my family and not have to explain what oral sex means to my wife.

American comedian & writer
Entertainment Sex Television

People think I hate sex; I don’t; I just don’t like things that stop you seeing the television properly.

(1953 – 2016) British comedian, actress, singer & screenwriter
Entertainment Sex Television

I accidentally walked in on my roommate and his girlfriend having sex; fortunately they didn't see me for almost 10 minutes.

American comedian
Sex Situations

Don’t bother discussing sex with small children… they rarely have anything to add.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Children Communication Conversation Family Sex Speech

The reason old men use Viagra is not that they are impotent. It’s that old women are so very ugly.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Age Old Sex

I'm a great lover… I bet.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Beliefs Opinion Sex

Sex: The thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.

(1882 – 1942) American actor
Problems Sex Time

The difference between a whore and a congressman is that a congressman makes more money.

(1927 – 1989) author, essayist & environmentalist
Congress Government Sex

I went to a hooker…  I dropped my pants… she dropped her price.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Sex Situations

Ten men waiting for me at the door?… send one of them home, I'm tired.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Sex

I once went to one of those parties where everyone throws their car keys into the middle of the room; I don’t know who got my moped but I’ve been driving that Peugeot for years.

(1953 – 2016) British comedian, actress, singer & screenwriter
Sex Situations

Agatha Christie has given more pleasure in bed than any other woman.


(1929 – ) British television & radio critic
People Sex

There’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men think, I know what I’m doing; just show me somebody naked.

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor
Communication Reading/Writing Sex

Anyone who eats three meals a day should understand why cookbooks outsell sex books three to one.

(1927 – 2007) American newspaper columnist
Books Communication Eating Food/Drink Reading/Writing Sex

I had to go by the drug store to get some marital aids: breath mints for you and Wild Turkey for me!

(1946 – ) American actor
Marriage Sex TV/Movie Quotes

What does an atheist say during an orgasm?

(1961 – ) American stand-up comedian
Beliefs Religion Sex

After lovemaking do you: A) go to sleep? B) light a cigarette? or C) return to the front of the bus?

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Sex Situations

It's so unfair because I go out of my way not to treat women like objects and end up having to treat objects like women.

stand-up comedian
People Sex Things Women