Subject: Sex (Page 24)

My wife told me she likes to have sex in the back seat of the car. I drove her and that guy around all night.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Sex Things

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Age Men Old People Sex Women

A woman can have sex with whoever she wants, a man only with whoever allows him.

Sex

I just kissed you, rubbed your chest, kissed you again in an impure manner – you never took your eyes off the TV! Ten years ago all I had to do was be awake… sometimes not even that!

(1958 – ) American actress
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

Usually I’m on top to keep the guy from escaping.

Lisa Lampanelli (1961 – ) American stand-up comedian
Self Sex

I tried phone sex and got an ear infection.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Health Sex

I had to go by the drug store to get some marital aids: breath mints for you and Wild Turkey for me!

(1946 – ) American actor
Marriage Sex TV/Movie Quotes

It's been so long since I made love I can't even remember who gets tied up.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Activities Sex Time

When he tells you he wants to exchange ideas, what he really wants is to exchange fluids.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

In the past few years, I've only had sex with months that end in 'arch.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian
Sex

Don’t bother discussing sex with small children… they rarely have anything to add.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Children Communication Conversation Family Sex Speech

I'm always looking for meaningful one-night stands.

(1935 – 2002) English actor, comedian, composer & musician
Dating Relationships Sex

Rabbi, My Husband Wants a Blowjob

Book Titles Sex

No man will ever put his hand up your dress looking for a library card.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Intelligence Men People Sex

Sex: The formula by which one and one makes three.

Definitions Sex

One night I figured – let my wife make the first move… she went to Florida.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage Sex Situations Wives

I finally had an orgasm and my doctor told me it was the wrong kind.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

I don’t care for sex; I find it an embarrassing, dull exercise; I prefer sports, where you can win.

(1963 – ) Canadian writer, actor & stand-up comedian
Sex Sports

It is not economical to go to bed early to save the candles if the result is twins.

Children Money Proverbs Sex

Three stages of sex in a man’s life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.

Definitions Men Sex