Subject: Sex (Page 24)

As life’s pleasures go, food is second only to sex… except for salami and eggs; now that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.

(1927 – 2004) American comedian & actor
Eating Food/Drink Life Sex

When sex is good theres nothing better, when it’s bad it’s not bad.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Sex

A study shows that ninety per cent of men inflate the number of their sex partners, while the other ten per cent inflate their sex partners.

(1962 – ) American actor and talk show host
Men People Sex

I used to think I was great in bed until I discovered that all my girlfriends suffered from asthma.

(1961 – ) American-born Scottish comic & card magician
Sex

Three stages of sex in a man’s life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.

Definitions Men Sex

Due to a court ruling, sex toys are now legal in Alabama; the whole state is buzzing.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Sex

I’m not a good lover, but at least I’m fast.

(1958 – ) standup comedian, actor, game show host & photographer
Sex

Sex is a pleasurable exercise in plumbing, but be careful or you'll get yeast in your drain tap.

1944) is an American writer & screenwriter
Sex

All I need is room enough to lay a hat and a few friends.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Friends People Sex

The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn’t mean that God doesn’t love heterosexuals, it’s just that they need more supervision.

(1959 – ) Australian writer & television producer
People Sex

Familiarity breeds contempt… and children.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Children People Sex

Adolescence: The age between puberty and adultery.

Age Definitions Sex

I used to think about Cindy Crawford; now, I think about leaving dishes in the sink overnight without a war breaking out.

(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality
Housework Marriage Sex

Philosophy is to the real world as masturbation is to sex.

(1818 – 1883) German philosopher, economist, sociologist & socialist
Education Intelligence Sex

Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Husbands Marriage Sex

There are two things no man will admit he cannot do well: drive and make love.

(1929 – ) English race car driver
Autos Driving Men People Sex

I saw a pair of knickers today on the front it said, “I would do anything for love” and on the back it said “but I won't do that.”

(1975 – ) English comedian
Emotions Love Sex

When my old man wanted sex… my mother would show him a picture of me.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Family Fathers Mothers Sex

I went to buy some condoms today, and I said to the pharmacist, 'Excuse me, I need some condoms;' and he said, 'Just a minute,' and I said, 'Oh, that's my brand.'

American comedian & actor
Sex Shopping Situations

Went to the doctor's last week, he said, 'Have you had sex in the last seven days?' … and I said, 'No, my birthday's in April.'

comedian
Marriage Sex

Outside every thin woman is a fat man trying to get in.

(1928 – ) British journalist, writer & columnist
Appearance Body Fat Men People Sex Women