Subject: Sex (Page 25)

A kiss that speaks volumes is seldom a first edition.

(1892 – 1972) American comedian, dancer & composer
Emotions Sex Wordplay

Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Activities Clothing Sex Things Women

Last night I asked my husband, ‘What’s your favorite sexual position?’ and he said, ‘Next door.’

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Sex

The whole dating ritual was different when I was a kid; girls got pinned, not nailed.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Age Dating Sex

There was no sex education in the ‘70s; we thought the Kama Sutra was Indian takeaway.

(1958 – ) Australian author
Sex

I need to make as much as my wife so I don’t have to try so hard in bed.

(1980 – ) American actor, comedian & musician
Money Sex TV/Movie Quotes

The Beginners Guide to Sex In the Afterlife

Book Titles Sex

During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me; just the other night she called me from a hotel.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Communication Sex Speech

When sex is good theres nothing better, when it’s bad it’s not bad.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Sex

And God, I promise… no more sex with anybody… unless they really, really, need it.

(1934 – 2010) American actress
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Sex

As a lover, I'm about as impressive as a magician on the radio.

writer, website creator
Sex

My girlfriend wants me to choke her while we’re having sex… but I say, what’s wrong with while we’re having dinner?

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Girlfriends Relationships Sex

I would like to be able to watch the evening news with my family and not have to explain what oral sex means to my wife.

American comedian & writer
Entertainment Sex Television

I told my wife she’s lousy in bed; she went out to get a second opinion.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage Sex Wives

I’m so frightened of disease that it’s to the point I won’t have sex with someone… unless they say… you know… “Okay.”

(1970 – ) American comedian, writer & actress
Health Sex

Before we make love, my husband takes a painkiller.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Husbands Insults Marriage Sex

I was making love to this girl and she started crying; I said “Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?” She said “No, I hate myself now.”

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Sex

I remember what I was doing the first time I told someone I loved them… I was lying to get sex.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Emotions Love Sex Situations

Edible underwear?… even during sex, we can't stop eating.

(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality
Eating Fat Food/Drink Sex

That woman speaks eighteen languages, and she can’t say 'No' in any of them.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Communication Insults Intelligence Sex