Subject: Sex (Page 25)

There was no sex education in the ‘70s; we thought the Kama Sutra was Indian takeaway.

(1958 – ) Australian author

No man will ever put his hand up your dress looking for a library card.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

I once walked in on my grandparents making love… and that’s why I don’t eat raisins.

(1969 – ) comedian & actor

Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

Self-abuse is the sincerest kind.

David Gerrold (1944 – ) science fiction author

People think I hate sex; I don’t; I just don’t like things that stop you seeing the television properly.

(1953 – 2016) British comedian, actress, singer & screenwriter

Kinky sex involves the use of duck feathers; perverted sex involves the whole duck.

(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist

You know that look women get when they want sex… me, neither.

(1958 – ) standup comedian, actor, game show host & photographer

I’ve never laughed a woman into bed, but I’ve laughed one out of bed many times.

(1988 – ) English comedian, television presenter & actor

How can we possibly use sex to get what we want? … sex is what we want!

(1955 – ) American actor, comedian, producer, director & singer

It is better to copulate than never.

(1907 – 1988) science fiction author

Countess Alexandrovna: You are the greatest lover I've ever had.

Boris: Well, I practice a lot when I'm alone.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

Men love to be thought of as funny… except when they’re in bed.

(1968 – ) American actress & singer

Nobody's ever offered me money to have sex… sure – a Bud Light and a basket of curly fries, but not cash.

(1970 – ) American stand-up comedian & voice actor

Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.

(1918 – 2002) Irish comedian, writer, musician, poet & playwright

Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back and I replied, ‘Yes, who did you think it was?'

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor

Nothing risqué nothing gained!

(1933 – 1967) American actress, entertainer & Hollywood sex symbol

When my dad was explaining the facts of life to me, he drew me a big diaphragm.

(1927 – ) American comedian

Make Your Own Sex Toys (A Practical Guide to a Better Love Life)

A birth-control pill for men, that's fair. It makes more sense to take the bullets out of the gun than to wear a bulletproof vest.

American actor & comedian

The whole dating ritual was different when I was a kid; girls got pinned, not nailed.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator