Subject: Sex (Page 26)

Never laugh at your significant other when they're having an orgasm; that is their time to shine.

(1983 – ) American comedian
Emotions Laughter Sex

My husband complained to; ‘I can’t remember when we last had sex,’ and I said; well I can and that’s why why we ain’t doin’ it.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Sex

If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it?

(1945 – ) singer, actress & comedian
Books Communication Sex

I like a big, strong, hardworking man, a man who wakes up early in the morning eager to work hard – day-in and day-out – just working and sweating and sweating and working, and when it’s all over, he showers and goes to his job.

comedian
Men Sex

Why should we take advice on sex from the pope? … If he knows anything about it, he shouldn’t!

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Beliefs Religion Sex

I went to look for a used car and found my wife's dress in the back seat.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Clothing Sex Wives

Jesus and the “G” Spot

Book Titles Sex

I learned about sex the hard way… from books.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Books Communication Sex

It’s not the men in my life that counts, it’s the life in my men.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Life Men Sex

The only unnatural sex act is that which you cannot perform.

(1894 – 1956) American biologist & professor
Sex

Diseases Caused by Masturbation

Book Titles Sex

A birth-control pill for men, that's fair. It makes more sense to take the bullets out of the gun than to wear a bulletproof vest.

American actor & comedian
Men People Sex

Nobody's ever offered me money to have sex… sure – a Bud Light and a basket of curly fries, but not cash.

(1970 – ) American stand-up comedian & voice actor
Money Sex

Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, “You're only interested in one thing,” and you can't remember what it is.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Marriage Memory Sex

Once a woman has given you her heart you can never get rid of the rest of her body.

(1664 – 1726) English architect & dramatist
Emotions Love Sex Women

Before I met my wife, I had virtually no experience; I remember on our wedding night, I tried to inflate her.

(1978 – ) American stand-up comedian
Sex

Meetings are an addictive, highly self-indulgent activity that corporations and other large organizations habitually engage in only because they cannot actually masturbate.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Activities People Sex

I used to think I was great in bed until I discovered that all my girlfriends suffered from asthma.

(1961 – ) American-born Scottish comic & card magician
Sex

My wife wants sex in the back of the car… and she wants me to drive.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Driving Sex

Incest: in many parts of the Bible Belt, the most popular form of dating.

American author
Dating Relationships Sex

My brain? … It’s my second favorite organ.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Sex TV/Movie Quotes