Subject: Sex (Page 28)

Nymphomania: A disease where the patient enjoys being bedridden.

Definitions Sex

It’s not the men in my life that counts, it’s the life in my men.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Life Men Sex

I told my wife she’s lousy in bed; she went out to get a second opinion.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage Sex Wives

When my wife has sex, she screams… especially when I walk in on her.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Sex

If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, how come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?

(1942 – ) Scottish comedian, musician & actor
People Sex Women

An orgasm a day keeps the doctor away.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Health Sex

Went to the doctor's last week, he said, 'Have you had sex in the last seven days?' … and I said, 'No, my birthday's in April.'

comedian
Marriage Sex

And just remember, the best thing about kids… is making them!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

Familiarity breeds contempt… and children.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Children People Sex

The only reason I feel guilty about masturbation is because I do it so badly.

(1942 – ) Canadian comedian, actor, writer, director & author
Sex

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Sex Situations

I just broke up with my girl friend, I caught her lying… under another man.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian
Relationships Sex

Self-abuse is the sincerest kind.

David Gerrold (1944 – ) science fiction author
Activities Self Sex

My mum walked in on me wanking and looking at her wedding pictures. "You perv!" she screamed at me.
It's not what you think, Mum… I was looking at the priest.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Sex

So, I’m licking jelly off my boyfriend… and all of a sudden I’m thinking… oh, my God, I’m turning into my mother.

(1970 – ) American comedian, writer & actress
Family Mothers Sex Situations

Sex: The formula by which one and one makes three.

Definitions Sex

I tried phone sex and got an ear infection.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Health Sex

Impotent: Willy-nilly.

Definitions Sex

Everything that goes up must come down; but there comes a time when not everything that's down can come up.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
People Self Sex

A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over, nobody's home, so I went over… nobody was home.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Sex Situations

Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got.

(1934 – ) Italian actress
Characteristics Sex