Subject: Sex (Page 29)

We all know that every man's fantasy is to have a threesome… yeah, great… instead of one woman I can't satisfy, now I have two.

comedian
Sex

Don’t bother discussing sex with small children… they rarely have anything to add.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Children Communication Conversation Family Sex Speech

It's ill-becoming for an old broad to sing about how bad she wants it… but occasionally we do.

(1917 – 2010) American singer & actress
Entertainment People Sex Women

The annoying thing about Christmas is running out of batteries because the kids want them for their toys; I’m sorry, but if Christmas is coming – so am I.

(1975 – ) English comedian
Sex Things

When sex is good theres nothing better, when it’s bad it’s not bad.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Sex

If it weren’t for pick-pocketers, I’d have no sex life at all.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Sex

One of my favorite oxymorons is engagement party.

writer, website creator
Marriage Sex

Sex: The formula by which one and one makes three.

Definitions Sex

It is not true that sex degrades women… if it is any good.

(1965 – ) English comedian
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

I learned whether you are gay, bisexual, it doesn’t matter, you know… because, at the end of the day, they’re both gross.

(1970 – ) American comedian, writer & actress
People Sex

George: I don’t like when a woman says, “Make love to me.” It’s intimidating. The last time a woman said that to me, I wound up apologizing to her.

(1959 – ) American actor, director, writer, singer & comedian
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

When a man talks dirty to a woman, its sexual harassment; when a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $3.95 per minute.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Sex

My girlfriend said she wanted me to tease her, so I said "Alright, fatty."

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Sex

Stand-up is a lot like sex… there’s a lot of crying involved and I get paid to do it.

(1982 – ) American actress & comedian
Entertainment Sex

I talk a lot about women in my act, 'cause let's face it – if I was hungry, I would talk about food.

American actor & comedian
Food/Drink Sex Speech Women

My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night; now, we'll never see each other!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage Sex Wives

That's the perfect microcosm for men and women: it takes a million sperm to find one egg 'cause they're all males and not one of them is gonna pull over and ask directions.

American actor & comedian
Men Sex Women

What’s wrong with a little incest? … it is both handy and cheap.

(1877 – 1947) British diarist & critic
Sex

If I had been the Virgin Mary, I would have said "No."

stand-up comedian, actor, writer & producer
Sex Situations

You always know when he's ready for sex, ’cause naked, he looked like one of them butterball turkeys with the little pop-up timer.

Lisa Lampanelli (1961 – ) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Body Fat People Sex

Pedophiles don't want to be called pedophiles; they want to be called priests.

American stand-up comedian
Sex