Subject: Sex (Page 30)

When women can't climax, it's our fault, but when we can't get an erection, we have to go to the doctor.

(1967 – ) Honduran-born American comedian, writer & actor
Men People Sex Women

Better at sex than anyone; now all he needs is a partner.

Insults Sex

You have nooo idea… the difference in sex drive between a man and woman is like the difference between shooting a bullet and throwing it.

(1953 – ) American comedian, actor, voice artist, & columnist
Men People Sex Women

I was making love to this girl and she started crying; I said “Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?” She said “No, I hate myself now.”

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Sex

Nobody's ever offered me money to have sex… sure – a Bud Light and a basket of curly fries, but not cash.

(1970 – ) American stand-up comedian & voice actor
Money Sex

I don’t understand Viagra… I mean I like pie but I don’t want to eat it for 41⁄2 hours.

(1964 – ) Canadian stand-up comedian, actress & television host
Food/Drink Sex

Among men, sex sometimes results in intimacy; among women, intimacy sometimes results in sex.

(1901 – 2000) English author
Men People Sex Women

Gold Medal Specialists. Sprints! Relays! Marathons! Hot and Raring to Go.

Sex Signs Sports

I wouldn’t kidnap a man for sex, but I’m not saying I couldn’t use someone to oil the mower.

(1953 – 2016) British comedian, actress, singer & screenwriter
Men People Sex Situations

In the middle of an asthma attack she got an obscene phone call; the guy said, “Did I call you or did you call me?”

comedian
Health Sex

Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Sex

I didn’t have sex at all, not a scrap til I was 67… and that was cause I had no small change for the window cleaner.

(1953 – 2016) British comedian, actress, singer & screenwriter
Money Sex

I figured out I’m bisexual; I have sex twice a year.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Sex

A study shows that ninety per cent of men inflate the number of their sex partners, while the other ten per cent inflate their sex partners.

(1962 – ) American actor and talk show host
Men People Sex

I like my sex the way I play basketball, one-on-one with as little dribbling as possible.

(1926 – 2010) Canadian actor
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Age Education Sex Young

I need to make as much as my wife so I don’t have to try so hard in bed.

(1980 – ) American actor, comedian & musician
Money Sex TV/Movie Quotes

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose; last night she used me to time an egg.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Sex Wives

Impotence: Nature’s way of saying “No Hard Feelings.”

Definitions Sex

A sexagenarian? At his age? I think that’s disgusting!

(1895 – 1964) comedian (wife & partner of George Burns)
Age Misspokements Old Sex TV/Movie Quotes

I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed… I leave.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage Sex Situations Wives