Sex | Just-One-Liners.com

Subject: Sex (Page 31)

When he tells you he wants to exchange ideas, what he really wants is to exchange fluids.

Woody Allen

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

My mother said it was simple to keep a man: you must be a maid in the living room, a cook in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom; I said I’d hire the other two and take care of the bedroom bit.

Jerry Hall

(1956 – ) American model & actress

Family Men Mothers People Relationships Sex Advice

It's so unfair because I go out of my way not to treat women like objects and end up having to treat objects like women.

Allan Wells

stand-up comedian

People Sex Things Women

Marriage has driven more than one man to sex.

Peter De Vries

(1910 – 1993) editor & novelist

Marriage Sex

Hey everybody, we’re all gonna get laid!

Rodney Dangerfield

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

Sex TV/Movie Quotes As Al Czervik in “Caddyshack”

The only thing wrong with being an atheist is that there's nobody to talk to during an orgasm.

Anonymous

Beliefs God Sex Atheists Orgasms

Before I met my wife, I had virtually no experience; I remember on our wedding night, I tried to inflate her.

Myq Kaplan

(1978 – ) American stand-up comedian

Sex Inflatable dolls

Stand-Up [comedy] is a lot like sex; there's a lot of crying involved and I get paid to do it.

Whitney Cummings

(1982 – ) American actress & comedian

Entertainment Money Sex Crying Stand-up comedy

I finally had an orgasm and my doctor told me it was the wrong kind.

Woody Allen

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

Sex TV/Movie Quotes From the movie "Manhattan" Orgasms

When a man goes on a date, he wonders if he is going to get lucky… a woman already knows.

Anonymous

Dating Men People Sex Women

Men love to be thought of as funny… except when they’re in bed.

Jane Krakowski

(1968 – ) American actress & singer

Men Sex TV/Movie Quotes

I feel like a million tonight… but one at a time.

Mae West

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

Sex TV/Movie Quotes As Leticia Van Allen in “Myra Breckinridge”

I really detest movies like Indecent Proposal and Pretty Woman because they send a message to women that sleeping with a rich man is the ultimate goal; and really that’s such a small part of it.

Laura Kightlinger

(1969 – ) American actress, comedian, producer & writer

Entertainment Film Sex Women Indecent Proposal Pretty Woman

I went out with a promiscuous impressionist – she did everybody.

Jay London

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic

Dating Relationships Sex Impressionists

How tall are you cowboy?
I’m six feet and seven inches, ma’am.
Let’s forget about the six feet and talk about your seven inches.

Mae West

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

Sex As Leticia Van Allen in “Myra Breckinridge”

The Three Ages of Marriage: Twenty is when you watch the TV after; Forty is when you watch the TV during; Sixty is when you watch the TV instead.

Anonymous

Entertainment Marriage Sex Television The Three Ages of Marriage

All men look at Dr. Ruth and wonder how she has gained all that sexual experience.

Rita Rudner

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

Sex Dr. Ruth Westheimer Experience

Apparently, women need to feel loved to have sex and men need to have sex to feel loved, so the basic act of continuing the species requires a lie from one of you.

Billy Connolly

(1942 – ) Scottish comedian, musician & actor

Men People Sex Women

If sex doesn't scare the cat, you're not doing it right.

Anonymous

Sex

If you use the electric vibrator near water, you may come and go at the same time.

Louise Sammons

Sex Things Masturbation Vibrators

Impotence: Nature’s way of saying “No Hard Feelings.”

Anonymous

Definitions Sex Impotence

Quotes and One Liners

humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more

Categories

Additional Categories

Oops...

Some Popular Authors

Subject: Sex (Page 31)

When he tells you he wants to exchange ideas, what he really wants is to exchange fluids.

My mother said it was simple to keep a man: you must be a maid in the living room, a cook in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom; I said I’d hire the other two and take care of the bedroom bit.

It's so unfair because I go out of my way not to treat women like objects and end up having to treat objects like women.

Marriage has driven more than one man to sex.

Hey everybody, we’re all gonna get laid!

The only thing wrong with being an atheist is that there's nobody to talk to during an orgasm.

Before I met my wife, I had virtually no experience; I remember on our wedding night, I tried to inflate her.

Stand-Up [comedy] is a lot like sex; there's a lot of crying involved and I get paid to do it.

I finally had an orgasm and my doctor told me it was the wrong kind.

When a man goes on a date, he wonders if he is going to get lucky… a woman already knows.

Men love to be thought of as funny… except when they’re in bed.

I feel like a million tonight… but one at a time.

I really detest movies like Indecent Proposal and Pretty Woman because they send a message to women that sleeping with a rich man is the ultimate goal; and really that’s such a small part of it.

I went out with a promiscuous impressionist – she did everybody.

How tall are you cowboy?
I’m six feet and seven inches, ma’am.
Let’s forget about the six feet and talk about your seven inches.

The Three Ages of Marriage: Twenty is when you watch the TV after; Forty is when you watch the TV during; Sixty is when you watch the TV instead.

All men look at Dr. Ruth and wonder how she has gained all that sexual experience.

Apparently, women need to feel loved to have sex and men need to have sex to feel loved, so the basic act of continuing the species requires a lie from one of you.

If sex doesn't scare the cat, you're not doing it right.

If you use the electric vibrator near water, you may come and go at the same time.

Impotence: Nature’s way of saying “No Hard Feelings.”