Subject: Sex (Page 31)

Sam: [angry] You want to know the truth? It wasn’t four honeys. It was four hundred women… easy.

Diane: [coolly] They’d have to be.

(1949 – ) American actress
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

A man on a date wonders if he'll get lucky; the woman already knows.

American comedian & writer
Dating Relationships Sex

Men are people that have sex because they have a headache… or are on fire, or have been shot in the head, or whatever it is!

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Men People Sex

The only thing I liked about camping was the fact that you can be drunk and have dirty feet, and you still had a pretty good chance of hooking up.

comedian
Activities Sex

Abstinence makes the heart go wander.

(1953 – ) American writer
Sex

If a man can f**k and drive race cars… man… I mean, what else-is there?

American auto racer
Auto racing Sex Sports

Familiarity breeds contempt… and children.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Children People Sex

Right now, I couldn't get laid in a women's prison with a fistful of pardons.

Sex Situations

Sex is like money; only too much is enough.

(1932 – 2009) author, poet & critic
Money Sex

A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over, nobody's home, so I went over… nobody was home.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Sex Situations

Only thing that’s worse than walking in on your parents making love is walking in on your grandparents making love.

(1969 – ) comedian & actor
Age Family Relationships Sex

You know that the Tasmanians, who never committed adultery, are now extinct.

(1874 – 1965) English dramatist & novelist
Marriage Sex

Don't have sex… it leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Communication Conversation Sex

Programming is like sex: one mistake and you’re providing support for a lifetime.


Computers Sex Things

I can't even find someone for a platonic relationship, much less the kind where someone wants to see me naked.

(1955 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Dating People Relationships Self Sex

The couple next door have just made a sex tape… obviously, they don’t know that yet.

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
Sex

A hooker once told me she had a headache.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Health Sex Situations

I’m at the stage of life when if a girl says no to me, I’m profoundly grateful to her.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Age Old Sex

I reckon porn gives kids an unrealistic idea of what it’s like to be a plumber.


Sex

She's Cherokee Indian, which is great 'cause whenever we have sex, it rains.

(1970 – ) American actor, producer & stand up comedian
Sex Situations

My girlfriend called me at 11:00 this morning and said “I'm still in bed." … I said, “I know, I’ve had sex with you.”

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
Sex