Subject: Sex (Page 32)

Genitals are a great distraction to scholarship.

(1932 – 2000) English author & academic
Education Learning Sex

An erection at will is the moral equivalent of a valid credit card.

(1920 – 2000) physician, gerontologist, pacifist, anarchist & writer
Sex

Men and women are different; while guy is having sex he's thinking how great it would be with a different woman; while when a woman is having sex she's thinking how lousy it is with this guy.

Canadian comedian & author
Men People Sex Women

Like having a large wardrobe fall on top of you with the key still in the lock.

Sex

Ahh, Earth Day, the only day of the year where being able to hacky-sack will get you laid.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Activities Sex Situations

My brain? … It’s my second favorite organ.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

Nymphomaniac:  a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man.

(1913 – 1983) journalist & author
Men People Sex Women

I don’t understand the whole concept of a massage; you get a woman to rub all over every single part of your body except the one part you really want rubbed on.

(1968 – ) American comedian, actor & country music artist
Activities Sex

My wife has cut me down to once a month; I'm lucky…
I know two guys she cut off completely.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage Sex Situations Wives

Suzanne, if sex were fast food, there’d be an arch over your bed!

(1939 – 2010) American actress
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

If I have an orgasm, I feel that I have to give six weeks of community service to various charities.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Sex

Obscenity is whatever gives the judge an erection.

Law Sex

On the downside, it's loaded with sexual predators; on the plus side, it's also loaded with sexual prey.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Crime Science/Weather Sex

My biggest fantasy in life is to have sex with two women… not in a night, but in my life.

comedian
Sex

The Three Ages of Marriage: Twenty is when you watch the TV after; Forty is when you watch the TV during; Sixty is when you watch the TV instead.

Entertainment Marriage Sex Television

If they ever invent a vibrator that can open pickle jars, we’ve had it.

(1964 – ) English comedian & writer
People Sex Women

It’s not the men in my life that counts, it’s the life in my men.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Life Men Sex

The best way to have an affair without feeling guilty is to sleep with your therapist.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Sex

The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Death People Self Sex

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Fights Sex

I accidentally walked in on my roommate and his girlfriend having sex; fortunately they didn't see me for almost 10 minutes.

American comedian
Sex Situations