Subject: Sex (Page 32)

I watching a weird porn the other day; it was just a fat man crying and wanking at the same time…. then realized I hadn't turned the TV on.

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
People Self Sex

It’s weird to hear a girl laugh when I’m not making love to her.

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor
Laughter People Self Sex

Sex is the poor man’s polo.

(1906 – 1963) playwright, screenwriter & socialist
Sex Sports

I feel like a million tonight… but one at a time.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

The only advice I ever got from my dad is this: sex is like pizza, even when it's bad you still gotta pay for it.

(1962 – ) American stand-up comedian, writer, actor & radio host
Sex

Marriage has driven more than one man to sex.

(1910 – 1993) editor & novelist
Marriage Sex

Sex isn't necessary; you don't die without it – but you can die having it.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Sex

Meetings are an addictive, highly self-indulgent activity that corporations and other large organizations habitually engage in only because they cannot actually masturbate.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Activities People Sex

Contrary to the old wives' tale that bloody-minded trainers put around, a little love-in before the main event can do you more good than a rub-down with The Sporting Life.

English boxer
Boxing Sex Sports

I’ve got a boyfriend at the moment; sometimes he’s there and sometimes he’s not; I prefer it when he’s not… sex is a lot quicker.

(1975 – ) English comedian
Relationships Sex

I took a girl out on a date the other night and I knew it wasn't gonna go anywhere sexually, you know, because I was out of chloroform and rags.

(1961 – ) American actor & comedian
Dating Sex

I have a girlfriend… I’ve been going out with my girlfriend for …….. sex!

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Girlfriends Relationships Sex

What do atheists scream when they come?

(1961 – 1994) comedian
Sex

My girlfriend likes to play doctor; so I always make her wait 90 minutes before I see her.

(1952 – ) American comedian & actor
Occupations Sex

Pulled my groin the other day – for about 20 minutes.

(1963 – ) American comedian
Activities Language Sex

Why go out for milk when you've got a cow at home.

(1946 – ) American actor
Marriage Sex TV/Movie Quotes

Stand-Up [comedy] is a lot like sex; there's a lot of crying involved and I get paid to do it.

(1982 – ) American actress & comedian
Entertainment Money Sex

For certain people, after fifty, litigation takes the place of sex.

(1925 – 2012) author, playwright, essayist & screenwriter
Age Law Old Sex

George: I don’t like when a woman says, “Make love to me.” It’s intimidating. The last time a woman said that to me, I wound up apologizing to her.

(1959 – ) American actor, director, writer, singer & comedian
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

I reckon porn gives kids an unrealistic idea of what it’s like to be a plumber.


Sex

Any woman who thinks the way to a man's heart is through his stomach is aiming about 10 inches too high.

writer, humorist, columnist & speaker
Men Sex Things Women