Subject: Sex (Page 4)

Impotence: Nature’s way of saying “No Hard Feelings.”

Definitions Sex

Abstinence makes the heart go wander.

Sex Wordplay

I talk a lot about women in my act, 'cause let's face it – if I was hungry, I would talk about food.

American actor & comedian
Food/Drink Sex Speech Women

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Happiness Language People Sex

I remember what I was doing the first time I told someone I loved them… I was lying to get sex.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Emotions Love Sex Situations

I once made love to a female clown… she twisted my penis into a poodle.

Dan Whitney (1963 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & voice artist
Sex Situations

Mistress: Something between a mister and a mattress.

People Sex Women

Although humans tend to view sex as mainly a fun recreational activity sometimes resulting in death, in nature it is a far more serious matter.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
People Sex

I told my wife she’s lousy in bed; she went out to get a second opinion.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage Sex Wives

If I have an orgasm, I feel that I have to give six weeks of community service to various charities.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Sex

Impregnable: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

Definitions Sex

A skirt is no obstacle to extemporaneous sex, but it is physically impossible to make love to a girl while she is wearing trousers.

(1907 – 1982) American journalist, editor & author
Appearance Clothing Sex

It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid pregnancy by a resort to mathematics, though she is still forbidden to resort to physics or chemistry.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Beliefs People Religion Sex Women

Some people are better imagined in one's bed than found there in the morning.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Ideas Sex Situations

There we were in the middle of a sexual revolution wearing clothes that guaranteed we wouldn't get laid.

(1957 – ) American actor, comedian, writer & director
Appearance Clothing Sex

I went to buy some condoms today, and I said to the pharmacist, 'Excuse me, I need some condoms;' and he said, 'Just a minute,' and I said, 'Oh, that's my brand.'

American comedian & actor
Sex Shopping Situations

[after sex with the monster] Oh, where you going?… Oh, you men are all alike. Seven or eight quick ones and then you’re out with the boys to boast and brag.

(1942 – 1999) American actress
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

Bragging that you had sex with a prostitute is like bragging that you got Doritos out of a vending machine.

(1974 – ) American comedian
Sex

Too much of a good thing can be taxing.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Activities Sex

I finally had an orgasm and my doctor told me it was the wrong kind.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Sex Situations