Subject: Sex (Page 4)

The only time my wife and I had a simultaneous orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Divorce Marriage Sex

After making love I said to my girl, "Was it good for you?… and she said, "I don't think that was good for anybody.

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor
Sex

I just got back from the Middle East, where I performed for 15,000 men – and then I did my comedy.


Entertainment Places Sex

Niagara Falls: The bride’s second great disappointment.

Definitions Places Sex

My girlfriend called me at 11:00 this morning and said “I'm still in bed." … I said, “I know, I’ve had sex with you.”

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
Sex

It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid pregnancy by a resort to mathematics, though she is still forbidden to resort to physics or chemistry.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Beliefs People Religion Sex Women

How many husbands have I had?… do you mean apart from my own?

(1917 – 2016) Hungarian-born American actress
Husbands Marriage Sex

We got new advice as to what motivated man to walk upright… to free his hands for masturbation.

(1935 – ) screenwriter, author, director & producer
Sex

I didn’t lose my virginity until I was twenty-six… nineteen vaginally, but twenty-six what my boyfriend calls “the real way.”

(1970 – ) American comedian, writer & actress
Sex

Men and women are different; while guy is having sex he's thinking how great it would be with a different woman; while when a woman is having sex she's thinking how lousy it is with this guy.

Canadian comedian & author
Men People Sex Women

Abstinence makes the heart go wander.

Sex Wordplay

I said to a girl I’d been seeing, “Come home with me, honey, and I’ll show you where it’s at.” She said, “You’d better, because the last time I couldn’t find it.”

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Sex Situations

Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful; provided you get between the right man and the right woman.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
People Sex

It's ill-becoming for an old broad to sing about how bad she wants it… but occasionally we do.

(1917 – 2010) American singer & actress
Entertainment People Sex Women

I'll come and make love to you at five o'clock; if I'm late, start without me.

(1903 – 1968) movie actress
Sex

Adolescence: The age between puberty and adultery.

Age Definitions Sex

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
People Self Sex

I tried phone sex and got an ear infection.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Health Sex

My vagina is like Newark [New Jersey]; men know it’s there, but they don’t want to visit.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Self Sex

A man will fantasize that he’s having sex with someone else; a woman will fantasize she’s having sex with anyone else.

(1957 – ) British stand-up comedian
Men People Sex Women

The good thing about masturbation is that you don't have to dress up for it.

(1924 – 1984) American author
Appearance Clothing Sex