Subject: Sex (Page 6)

The cardinal rule of politics: never get caught in bed with a live man or a dead woman.

(1931– 2012) American actor, producer & director

The transatlantic crossing was so rough the only thing that I could keep on my stomach was the first mate.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet

Went to the doctor's last week, he said, 'Have you had sex in the last seven days?' … and I said, 'No, my birthday's in April.'

comedian

If it weren’t for pick-pocketers, I’d have no sex life at all.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

My wife has cut me down to once a month; I'm lucky…
I know two guys she cut off completely.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

I like my sex the way I play basketball, one-on-one with as little dribbling as possible.

(1926 – 2010) Canadian actor

Before we make love, my husband takes a painkiller.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

101 Places to Get F*cked Up Before You Die

The Catholics have an interesting view of sex; it is disgusting, amoral and filthy and you should save it for one you love.

(1957 – ) American actor, comedian & filmmaker

I used to think I was great in bed until I discovered that all my girlfriends suffered from asthma.

(1961 – ) American-born Scottish comic & card magician

I told my wife she’s lousy in bed; she went out to get a second opinion.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

Look. Last night you felt like a woman and I felt like a man… and that's the kind of thing those people do.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

You were born with your legs apart; they'll send you to the grave in a Y-shaped coffin.

(1933 – 1967) English playwright

I feel like a million tonight… but one at a time.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

Telling a teenager the facts of life is like giving a fish a bath.

(1905 –1998) American author

Men don’t like to cuddle. We only like it if it leads to… you know… lower cuddling.

(1957 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & screenwriter

I once stole a pornographic book that was printed in Braille; I used to rub the dirty parts.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

Nothing risqué, nothing gained.

(1887 – 1943) theater critic & commentator

Sow your wild oats on Saturday night; on Sunday pray for crop failure.

What’s wrong with a little incest? … it is both handy and cheap.

(1877 – 1947) British diarist & critic

If sex doesn't scare the cat, you're not doing it right.