Subject: Sex (Page 8)

Of the delights of this world, man cares most for sexual intercourse, yet he has left it out of his heaven.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Sex

The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Death People Self Sex

Pulled my groin the other day – for about 20 minutes.

(1963 – ) American comedian
Activities Language Sex

The only way I can ever hear heavy breathing from my husband's side of the bed is when he's having an asthma attack.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Health Sex

I'll come and make love to you at five o'clock; if I'm late, start without me.

(1903 – 1968) movie actress
Sex

The best way to have an affair without feeling guilty is to sleep with your therapist.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Sex

The whole dating ritual was different when I was a kid; girls got pinned, not nailed.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Age Dating Sex

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it’s one of the best.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

Abstinence is a perversion.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Sex

A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over, nobody's home, so I went over… nobody was home.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Sex Situations

Sex: The thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.

(1882 – 1942) American actor
Problems Sex Time

Viagra has instructions: ‘Keep away from children’ — what kind of man do you think I am?

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Children Sex

I consider sex a misdemeanor, the more I miss, de meaner I get.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Characteristics Sex

Telling a teenager the facts of life is like giving a fish a bath.

(1905 –1998) American author
Children Family Sex

I went to buy some condoms today, and I said to the pharmacist, 'Excuse me, I need some condoms;' and he said, 'Just a minute,' and I said, 'Oh, that's my brand.'

American comedian & actor
Sex Shopping Situations

What does an atheist say during an orgasm?

(1961 – ) American stand-up comedian
Beliefs Religion Sex

Men don’t like to cuddle. We only like it if it leads to… you know… lower cuddling.

(1957 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & screenwriter
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

It's always the wrong time of the month.

Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather Sex Time

How would you like to have a sexual encounter so intense it could conceivably change your political views?

(1966 – ) American film actor, producer & screenwriter
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

I didn’t lose my virginity until I was twenty-six… nineteen vaginally, but twenty-six what my boyfriend calls “the real way.”

(1970 – ) American comedian, writer & actress
Sex

All my mother told me about sex was that the man goes on top and woman on the bottom; for three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Sex