Subject: Situations (Page 14)

If everybody wants it, nobody gets it.

Murphy’s Laws Situations

If anything goes bad, I did it… if anything goes semi-good, we did it… if anything goes really good, then you did it; that's all it takes to get people to win football games for you.

1913 – 1983) American college football coach
People Situations Success Work

As soon as the hospital made me put on one of those little gowns, I knew the end was in sight.


Communication Situations Wordplay

Gain a modest reputation for being unreliable and you will never be asked to do a thing.

(1941 – ) novelist
Characteristics Situations

Traffic is very heavy at the moment, so if you are thinking of leaving now, you'd better set off a few minutes earlier.

Autos Misspokements Situations Things

A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Animals Situations

If you think you can do a thing or think you can't do a thing, you're right.

(1863 – 1947) automobile industrialist
Beliefs Situations

Humor is merely tragedy standing on its head with its pants torn.

(1876 – 1944) American author, humorist & columnist
Communication Emotions Situations

When your opponent is down… kick him.

Misspokements Situations

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Murphy’s Laws Situations

I’m not the type who wants to go back to the land… I’m the type who wants to go back to the hotel.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
People Self Situations

I'm addicted to placebos; I'd give them up, but it wouldn't make any difference.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Health Situations

Don't corner something that is meaner than you.

Expressions Situations

I knew exactly where it was, I just couldn’t find it.

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager
Situations Yogi-isms

Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone… when I came back the entire area was missing.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Situations Things

I saw a charity appeal in The Guardian the other day, and it read, ‘Little Zuki has to walk 13 miles a day just to fetch water.’ … and I couldn’t help thinking, ‘she should move.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Situations

When the sun comes up, I have morals again.

(1952 – ) comedian
Characteristics Situations

To be an ideal guest, stay at home.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
Situations

Two blind fellows walk into a wall…

(1968 – ) English comedian & actor
People Situations

No gold-digging for me… I take diamonds!

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Money Situations

Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Situations Time