Subject: Situations (Page 20)

I’ve never laughed a woman into bed, but I’ve laughed one out of bed many times.

(1988 – ) English comedian, television presenter & actor
Sex Situations

Hell may have a worse climate but undoubtedly the company is spritelier.

(1876 – 1944) American author, humorist & columnist
People Places Situations

This summer I learned that there’s a difference between peeing in the pool and peeing into the pool.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Situations Things

Some people are better imagined in one's bed than found there in the morning.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Ideas Sex Situations

100% pure yarn.

Situations

If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I’d still say no.

American comedian
Situations

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

(1879 – 1955) German-born physicist
Intelligence Situations

Even a spotted pig looks black at night.

Expressions Situations

I called the hotel operator and she said, “How can I direct your call?” I said, “Well, you could say ‘Action!', and I’ll begin to dial. And when I say ‘Goodbye’, then you can yell ‘Cut!'”

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Situations Things

The real reason Milton went blind was to avoid reading unsolicited manuscripts.

1944) is an American writer & screenwriter
Communication Reading/Writing Situations

For some not to be martyrs is martyrdom indeed.

(1908 – 1997) German-born teacher, academic & humorist
People Situations

Nothing is improbable until it moves into past tense.

(1672 – 1719) English essasyist, poet & politician
Situations Time

Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines.


Situations TV/Movie Quotes

There’s a saying among prospectors: “Go out looking for one thing, and that's all you’ll ever find.”

(1884 – 1951) American filmmaker
Situations

I agree with everything you say, but I would attack to the death your right to say it.

(1937 – ) British playwright & screenwriter
Communication Situations Speech

You will save yourself a lot of needless worry if you don't burn your bridges until you come to them.

Murphy’s Laws Situations Time

I'm a study of a man in chaos in search of frenzy.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Characteristics Situations

Never miss an opportunity to relieve yourself; never miss a chance to rest your feet.

(1894 – 1972) King of the United Kingdom
Situations

Sometimes I sits and thinks, and sometimes I just sits.

(1906 – 1982) baseball player
Intelligence Situations

Women: Can't live with them, can't bury them in the back yard without the neighbors seeing.

People Situations Women

Never let your mom comb your hair when she’s mad at your dad!

(1946 – ) American comedian
Situations