Subject: Situations (Page 23)

He gave her a look you could have poured on a waffle.

(1885 – 1933) columnist & writer
Relationships Situations

If the odds are a million to one against something occurring, chances are 50–50 it will.

Situations

The geek shall inherit the earth.

Proverbs Situations

There ought to be a better way of starting the day than having to get up.

(1907 – 1987) journalist & columnist
Life Situations

When I was ten, my family moved to Downers Grove Illinois; when I was twelve, I found them.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Family Self Situations

You never get tired unless you stop and take time for it.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Situations Time

The news of any politician’s death should be listed under ”Public Improvements.”

(1902 – 1963) Danish actor
Death Government Politicians Situations

People who live in glass houses have to answer the door.

People Situations

Good work, Mary: We all knew you had it in you.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Situations

We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Situations Things

The other day I… no wait, that wasn't me.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Situations

When I'm driving here I see a sign that says, CAUTION: SMALL CHILDREN PLAYING… I slow down, and then it occurs to me: I'm not afraid of small children.

(1946 – ) American comedian, actor & voice actor
Activities Situations

I used to be indecisive; but now I'm not sure.

Characteristics Situations

Last night, me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back… luckily, I was the one facing the telly.

(1967 – ) English actor, writer & comedian
Entertainment Situations Television

I like to play chess with bald men in the park, although it's hard to find 32 of them.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Activities Situations

Living with a saint is more grueling than being one.

(died 1457) English Bishop of Salisbury
People Situations

Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Characteristics Situations

If you are afraid of loneliness, don't marry.

(1860 – 1904) Russian short-story writer, playwright & physician
Characteristics Fear Marriage Situations

They live in a beautiful apartment overlooking their rent.

Money Situations Things

If loving someone is putting them in a straitjacket and kicking them down a flight of stairs, then yes, I have loved a few people.

(1982 – ) American author
Emotions Love Situations

Nietzsche says that we will live the same life, over and over again… Great, I’ll have to sit through the Ice Capades again.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Life Situations TV/Movie Quotes