Subject: Situations (Page 26)

Apart from that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?

(1928 – ) humorist, singer, songwriter & satirist
Communication Problems Situations Wordplay

The saying “Getting there is half the fun” became obsolete with the advent of commercial airlines.


Activities Situations Travel

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Problems Situations

If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I’d still say no.

American comedian
Situations

Even before the kids are born, you’ve got to make these decisions; if it’s a boy, do we get him circumcised?… if it’s a girl, do we keep her?

(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality
Children Family Situations

I have a lifetime appointment and I intend to serve it; I expect to die at 110, shot by a jealous husband.

(1908 – 1993) U.S. Supreme Court justice
Death Relationships Situations

I have no sex appeal; if my husband didn’t toss and turn, we’d never have had the kid.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Sex Situations Sleep

People come up to me and say, "Emo, do people really come up to you?"

(1956 – ) American comedian
Situations

The worst misfortune that can happen to an ordinary man is to have an extraordinary father.

(1858 – 1932) American physicist, physician & humorist
Family Fathers Situations

The amount of sleep needed by the average person is five minutes more.

typographer
Activities Situations Sleep Time

In every organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on… and this person must be fired.

Murphy’s Laws People Situations

The real reason Milton went blind was to avoid reading unsolicited manuscripts.

1944) is an American writer & screenwriter
Communication Reading/Writing Situations

Sometimes I fall asleep at night with my clothes on; I’m going to have all my clothes made out of blankets.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Clothing Situations Sleep

You ever go shopping for a really cute, little, sexy black dress – and you come home with an extra-large pepperoni pizza?


Shopping Situations

Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.

Murphy’s Laws Situations Time

I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back.

(1967 – ) American television host, producer, writer & comedian
Situations

But, as my mother used to tell me, two wrongs don't make a right… but I soon figured out that three left turns do.

(1943 – ) U.S. agriculture commissioner, columnist, activist & author
Driving Situations

Weaseling out of things is important to learn; it's what separates us from the animals… except the weasel.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Situations TV/Movie Quotes

Spain's new Prime Minister … announced he will soon call back Spain's 1300 troops from Iraq… meaning the coalition of the willing is fast turning into a duet of the stubborn.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Government Places Politics Situations

There are several good protections against temptations, but the surest is cowardice.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics Situations

I’m so lazy I’ve got a smoke alarm with a snooze button.

(1967 – ) English actor, writer & comedian
Characteristics Situations Things