Subject: Situations (Page 27)

Frank: It’s the same old story. Boy finds girl, boy loses girl, girl finds boy, boy forgets girl, boy remembers girl, girls dies in a tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year’s Day.

(1926 – 2010) Canadian actor
Situations TV/Movie Quotes

My experience is that people are most likely to listen to reason when in bed.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Intelligence Situations Understanding

Whether the glass is half-full or half empty, depends on whether you are drinking or pouring.

Situations

Are you buying or selling?

(1906 – 1998) Russian-born English film producer & media mogul
Money Situations

No one has a finer command of language than the person who keeps his mouth shut.

(1882 – 1961) politician
Communication Language Situations Speech

It looks like we’re up chocolate creek without a Popsicle stick!

cartoon character in Shrek 2 (Conrad Vernon)
Situations TV/Movie Quotes

I had my palm read; I wrote something on it first to see if she would read that too.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Situations

We're like two peas in a pot.

Malaprops Situations

I hate when my foot falls asleep during the day because I know it will be up all night.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Situations Sleep

Most Texans think Hanukkah is some sort of duck call.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
People Situations

Life is something you do when you can’t get to sleep.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Life Situations Sleep

How do you know if it's time to wash the dishes and clean your house?… look inside your pants and if you find a penis in there, it's not time.

(1957 – ) British stand-up comedian
Housework Men People Situations

It’s always darkest before… daylight savings time.

Proverbs Situations Time

If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it.

(1879 – 1955) German-born physicist
Intelligence Science/Weather Situations

A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over, nobody's home, so I went over… nobody was home.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Sex Situations

McVeigh's lawyer got him the death penalty, which, quite frankly, I could have done.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Crime Situations

I once locked my keys out of my car… I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Situations Things

The real reason Milton went blind was to avoid reading unsolicited manuscripts.

1944) is an American writer & screenwriter
Communication Reading/Writing Situations

There are only two occasions when Americans respect privacy, especially in presidents; those are prayer and fishing.

(1929 – 1933) 31st U.S. president, humanitarian
America Characteristics Situations

You can take a horse to water, but a pencil must be led.

(1890 – 1965) English comic actor, writer & director (of Laurel & Hardy)
Animals Situations

He'd fall in a sewer and come up with a gold watch.

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager
People Situations