Subject: Situations (Page 28)

It is easier to stay out than get out.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Situations

In a fight between you and the world, back the world.

(1883 – 1924) Czech writer
Conflict Situations

It's like, I hate getting up in the morning, unless it's over and over and over and over again… then I'm good.

American comedian & musician
Situations Sleep

I’m in love with a philosophy major, and she doesn’t even know I exist – and worse… she can prove it.

(1974 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Emotions Intelligence Love Situations

Whatever happens, look as if it was intended.

Acting Entertainment Murphy’s Laws Situations

A rolling stone gathers momentum.

Science/Weather Situations

It's good to know that if I behave strangely enough, society will take full responsibility for me.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Characteristics Situations

One way to stop a runaway horse is to bet on him.

(1932 – 1997) British journalist
Animals Situations

I used to be in a band called ‘Missing Cat’… you probably saw our posters.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language Situations

If this is airing in the future and no one knows who Karl Rove is, he's the reason you all live underground.

(1974 – ) Russian-born American comedian, writer & filmmaker
Government People Situations

My experience is that people are most likely to listen to reason when in bed.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Intelligence Situations Understanding

The most valuable function performed by the federal government is entertainment.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Entertainment Government Situations

Twice: Once too often.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Situations

Never miss an opportunity to relieve yourself; never miss a chance to rest your feet.

(1894 – 1972) King of the United Kingdom
Situations

If a tie is like kissing your sister, losing is like kissing your grandmother with her teeth out.

(1953 – ) American baseball player
Situations Sports

I put a new engine in my car, but I didn't take the other one out; now I can go 500 mph.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Situations Things

Things always go from bad to worse.

Murphy’s Laws Problems Situations

I was never so scared in my life… and I was in the war!

(1908 – 2005) English actor
Acting Situations

If you can't fix it with duct tape you haven’t used enough.

Problems Situations

Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?

(1918 – 2002) Irish comedian, writer, musician, poet & playwright
Situations

One night a jet flew a little too close to my house… I was walking from the living room to the kitchen and the stewardess told me to sit down.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Situations