Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Situations
(Page 3)
I agree with everything you say, but I would attack to the death your right to say it.
Tom Stoppard
(1937 – ) British playwright & screenwriter
Communication
Situations
Speech
Freedom
More dirt comes out of a hole than you can get back into it.
The Digger's Dilemma (or the Law of Augmented Returns)
Murphy’s Laws
Situations
Dirt
I have discovered that all human evil comes from this – man's being unable to sit still in a room.
Blaise Pascal
(1623 – 1662) French mathematician & physicist
Beliefs
Situations
Evil
I'm a study of a man in chaos in search of frenzy.
Oscar Levant
(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Characteristics
Situations
Chaos
Frenzy
But, as my mother used to tell me, two wrongs don't make a right… but I soon figured out that three left turns do.
Jim Hightower
(1943 – ) U.S. agriculture commissioner, columnist, activist & author
Driving
Situations
Wrongs
Do not blame God for having created the tiger, but thank Him for not having given it wings.
Ethiopian proverb
Proverbs
Situations
Family reunions is that time when you come face to face with your family tree, and you realize some branches need to be cut.
Rene Hicks
American comedian
Relationships
Situations
Family reunions
Family tree
Why don't you come up and have a little… scotch and sofa.
Mae West
(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Dating
Relationships
Situations
Necking
Last Christmas I got no respect. In my stocking I got an odor eater.
Rodney Dangerfield
(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Situations
Christmas stocking
Either I’ve been missing something or nothing has been going on.
Karen Elizabeth Gordon
American author
Situations
Quiet
Stupidity got us into this mess, and stupidity will get us out.
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
Situations
Stupidity
TV/Movie Quotes
I'll try anything once… twice if I like it… three times to make sure.
Mae West
(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Situations
Novelty
I was wondering why a Frisbee appears larger, the closer it gets… and then it hit me.
Stewart Francis
Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Situations
Things
Frisbees
The quarterback’s spending so much time behind the center that he may jeopardize his right to lead a Boy Scout troop.
Dennis Miller
(1953 – ) comedian, political commentator and television & radio personality
Football
Situations
Sports
I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
Steven Wright
(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos
Situations
Things
Headlights
Strobe lights
I’m not the type who wants to go back to the land… I’m the type who wants to go back to the hotel.
Fran Lebowitz
(1950 – ) writer & humorist
People
Self
Situations
Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the statue.
Ricky Gervais
(1961 – ) English comedian, actor, director, producer & writer
Problems
Situations
TV/Movie Quotes
As David Brent in “The Office”
If you are afraid of loneliness, don't marry.
Anton Chekhov
(1860 – 1904) Russian short-story writer, playwright & physician
Characteristics
Fear
Marriage
Situations
Loneliness
Folks playing leapfrog must complete all jumps.
The Nudist Colony Rule
Murphy’s Laws
Situations
Nudists
You have to kiss a lot of toads before you find a handsome prince.
Anonymous
Dating
Relationships
Situations
Leave it to a girl to take the fun out of sex discrimination.
Bill Watterson
(1955 – ) cartoonist
(Calvin and Hobbes)
Beliefs
Girls
Situations
Discrimination
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