Subject: Situations (Page 3)

Nietzsche says that we will live the same life, over and over again… Great, I’ll have to sit through the Ice Capades again.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Life Situations TV/Movie Quotes

If I ever saw bat shit, I’d be like, ‘that’s crazy.’

(1973 – ) American comedian
Intelligence Situations

More dirt comes out of a hole than you can get back into it.

Murphy’s Laws Situations

When we’re unemployed, we’re called lazy; when the whites are unemployed, it’s called a depression.

(1941 – ) American civil rights activist & Baptist minister
People Situations Work

The first time I ever got undressed in front of a woman, it was horrible; she started screaming… and then they kicked me off the bus.

comedian & actor
Situations

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

(1879 – 1955) German-born physicist
Intelligence Situations

Hay smells different to lovers and horses.

(1909 – 1966) Polish poet, writer & aphorist
Situations

I was only saying to the Queen the other day how I hate name-dropping.

(1911 – 2000) American actor
Situations

We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Situations Things

Good times end too quickly. Bad times go on forever.

Life Murphy’s Laws Situations Time

Stupidity got us into this mess, and stupidity will get us out.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Situations Stupidity TV/Movie Quotes

I went to the 24-hour grocer; when I got there, the guy was locking the front and I said, ‘Hey, the sign says you’re open 24 hours.’ He said, ‘Yes, but not in a row.’

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Situations Time

How come dumb stuff seems so smart while you're doing it?

cartoon character, created by Hank Ketcham (1920 – 2001)
Problems Situations

When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.

(1882 – 1945) 32nd U.S. president
Problems Situations

One way to stop a runaway horse is to bet on him.

(1932 – 1997) British journalist
Animals Situations

In the beginning, there was nothing. And God said, 'Let there be Light.' And there was still nothing, but you could see it a bit better.

Beliefs God Situations

I took a baby shower.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Situations

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?


Emotions Situations

Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.


Situations TV/Movie Quotes

If I could take just one thing to a desert island… I probably wouldn’t go.

comedian
Situations

You are ten times more likely to get hit by a car when the driver is aiming for you.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Autos Situations Things