Subject: Situations (Page 32)

They think they can do the portrait in one setting.

Malaprops Situations

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Characteristics Driving Situations

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

(1879 – 1955) German-born physicist
Intelligence Situations

My doctor said, 'I’ve got good news and I’ve got bad news. The good news is you don’t have premenstrual syndrome; the bad news is… you’re a bitch!'

(1949 – ) American actress & comedian
People Self Situations

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Places Situations

Is it fair to say that there'd be less litter in Britain if blind people were given pointed sticks?'

British comedian
Situations

It only hurt once… from beginning to end.

(1920 – 2004) American swimming coach
Activities Situations

Before I met her, I drank and swore without reason… now I have a reason.

(1924 – 1992) English comedian & actor
Alcohol Food/Drink People Situations

For every set of horseshoes human beings use for luck, somewhere in this world there’s a barefoot horse.

(1924 – 1973) American comic
Situations

I'll try anything once… twice if I like it… three times to make sure.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Situations

When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Doctors Health Situations

Remember that nobody will ever get ahead of you as long as he is kicking you in the seat of the pants.

(1897 – 1972) broadcast journalist & gossip columnist
Communication Situations

jwright

(1885 – 1962) Danish physicist
Situations

I find that the further I go back, the better things were, whether they happened or not.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics Past Situations Truth

If I saw you hitchhiking, I’d smile and return your thumb’s up, just for you doing such a great job of being a positive roadside influence.

(1982 – ) American author
Activities Situations

Nan would always send us texts saying please come round, my arthritis is getting worse; but then they stopped… so presumably it got better.

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
Situations

I saw a sheet lying on the floor… it must have been a ghost that had passed out.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Situations Things

Most projects require three hands.

Murphy’s Laws Problems Situations

Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?

(1918 – 2002) Irish comedian, writer, musician, poet & playwright
Situations

If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm.

(1913 – 1970) football coach
Characteristics Situations

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Murphy’s Laws Situations