Subject: Situations (Page 37)

If you are going through hell… keep going.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Situations

I called someone an Indian giver recently, but they were really offended, so I had to take it back.

( 1981 – ) American actor & stand-up comedian
Situations

There can’t be a crisis next week, my schedule is already full.

(1923 – ) German-born diplomat & scholar
Situations Time

I could be stranded in any town in the United States with ten cents and within an hour make $20 with the shell game.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Activities Situations

By the time they had diminished from 50 to 8, the other dwarves began to suspect “Hungry.”

(1950 – ) American cartoonist The Far Side
People Situations

The difference between light and hard is that you can sleep with a light on.

Situations Sleep

The sun always rises in the baby's bedroom window.

Children Murphy’s Laws Situations

Silence: Having nothing to say and saying it.

Communication Definitions Situations Speech

I was in a restaurant that had a sign that said 'Restrooms For Customers Only'… I thought, it must suck to work there.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Food/Drink Situations Work

I believe the only time the world beats a path to my door is when I’m in the bathroom.

Situations

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Murphy’s Laws Situations

I don’t even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Situations

I have a rule, and that is to never look at somebody's face while we're having sex; because, number one, what if I know the guy?

(1969 – ) American actress, comedian, producer & writer
Sex Situations

People who live in glass houses should masturbate in the basement.

(1972 – ) Irish comedian & television presenter
Sex Situations

A bleeding heart can be hell on the carpeting.

David Gerrold (1944 – ) science fiction author
Body Characteristics Situations Things

Upgraded and Improved: Didn't work the second time.

Definitions Situations Things

I understand that the doctor had to spank me when I was born, but I really don’t see any reason he had to call me a whore.

(1970 – ) American comedian, writer & actress
Situations

I went into a clothes store and a lady came up to me and said “if you need anything, I’m Jill”… I’ve never met anyone with a conditional identity before.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Situations

I’d sooner be in hell with my back broke.

Expressions Situations

Nothing is improbable until it moves into past tense.

(1672 – 1719) English essasyist, poet & politician
Situations Time

Give a man a fish, and he’ll eat for a day; give a man AIDS, and you don’t have to give him any fish.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Situations