Subject: Situations (Page 49)

You have to kiss a lot of toads before you find a handsome prince.

Dating Relationships Situations

It hit me how resentful it must make rats, knowing that they're just a bushy tail away from being hand fed in the park.

(1959 – ) American stand-up comedian
Animals Situations

I like to hold hands at the movies… which always seems to startle strangers.

(1967 – ) is an American comedian & actor
Entertainment Situations

Bare feet magnetize sharp metal objects so they always point upwards from the floor… especially in the dark.

Accidents Murphy’s Laws Situations Things

The more he looked inside the more Piglet wasn’t there.

fictional character from the book series by A. A. Milne
Places Situations

It's bad luck to be superstitious.

Situations

I must decline your invitation owing to a subsequent invitation.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Situations

How can you tell when sour cream goes bad?

Food/Drink Situations

I’m very conflicted by eye tests… I want to get the answers right but I really want to win the glasses.

British comedian, writer, actor & podcaster
Situations Things

I've been on more laps than a napkin.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Situations

Busier than a moth in a mitten!

Expressions Situations

It’s only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realize how often they burst into flames.

(1964 – ) English comedian, author & television presenter
Animals Situations

All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage; Taking children into a house with white carpet is one of them.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Children Family Situations

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

Autos Science/Weather Situations Things

Last night, it was so cold, the flashers in New York were only describing themselves.

(1925 – 2005) television host
Cold New York City Places Science/Weather Situations

If your time ain't come, not even a doctor can kill you.

Death Doctors Health Life Situations

If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

Proverbs Situations

If you find yourself lost in the woods, f**k it, build a house; well, I was lost but now I live here – I have severely improved my predicament!

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Situations

I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back.

(1967 – ) American television host, producer, writer & comedian
Situations

If a company’s most valuable resource is its people, how come the employees aren’t locked up, but the toilet paper is in a reinforced steel box with a lock, bolted to the stall?

Situations Work

Every so often, I like to stick my head out the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Situations