Subject: Situations (Page 50)

Nothing is impossible; some things are just less likely than others.

(1925 – 2013) comedian & actor
Situations

Promises and pie crusts are made to be broken.

(1667 – 1745) Irish satirist & essayist
Situations

We just had a near – life experience!

(1962 – ) writer & journalist
Life Situations

Banquet doorman: Your coat, sir?
Lt. Frank Drebin: Yes, it is. And I have a receipt to prove it.

(1926 – 2010) Canadian actor
Situations TV/Movie Quotes

Trying is the first step towards failure.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Failure Problems Situations

There is nothing new under the sun, but there are lots of old things we don't know.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Situations Things Time

A little incompatibility is the spice of life, as long as he has income and she is pattable.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Appearance Body Money Situations Women

My grandfather avoided the Holocaust with his ability to hide, and by not being Jewish, and by living in Canada his entire life.

Canadian comedian & actor
Relationships Situations

I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford… then I want to move in with them.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Children Family Situations Things

I want to get non-aerosol mace, you just rub it in. "Dude who is attacking me – come a little closer!"

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Situations Things

It's an ill will that blows when you leave the hairdresser.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Problems Situations

People seldom know what they want until you give them what they ask for.

Situations

There never was a child so lovely, but his mother was glad to get him asleep.

(1803 – 1882) essayist, poet, & philosopher
Age Children Family Situations Sleep

Gee, what a terrific party… later on we’ll get some fluid and embalm each other.

(1927 – 2018) playwright & screenwriter
Insults Situations

Before birds get sucked into jet engines, do they ever think, "Is that Rod Stewart in first class?"

(1962 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Situations

Show me a man who is a good loser and I’ll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss.

(1919 – 1998) American sportswriter
Golf People Situations Sports

Things are gradually falling into place on top of me.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Problems Situations

I find that the further I go back, the better things were, whether they happened or not.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics Past Situations Truth

Although it is a far cry from there to here, he laughed all the way.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Emotions Laughter Situations

He enjoys that perfect peace, that peace beyond all understanding, which comes at its maximum only to the man who has given up golf.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Golf Situations Sports

Order is an exotic in Ireland; it has been imported from England but it will not grow. It suits neither soil nor climate.

(1818 – 1894) English historian, novelist, biographer & editor
Places Situations