Subject: Situations (Page 52)

When I was 16 years old, the morning of my birthday, my parents tried to surprise me with a car, but they missed.

American comedian
Family Parents Self Situations

Peace has its victories no less than war, but it doesn't have as many monuments to unveil.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Conflict Situations War

For every set of horseshoes human beings use for luck, somewhere in this world there’s a barefoot horse.

(1924 – 1973) American comic
Situations

When I was ten, my family moved to Downers Grove Illinois; when I was twelve, I found them.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Family Self Situations

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening… but this wasn't it.

Situations

The only way of catching a train I ever discovered is to miss the train before.

(1874 – 1936) English author & mystery novelist
Situations Time

I certainly do not drink all the time, I have to sleep you know.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink Situations Sleep

Progress might have been all right once, but it has gone on too long.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Situations Time

The less I behave like Whistler’s Mother the night before, the more I look like her the morning after.

(1903 – 1968) movie actress
Situations

When the sun comes up, I have morals again.

(1952 – ) comedian
Characteristics Situations

Birthday parties always end in tears.

Children Murphy’s Laws Situations

If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Characteristics Situations

If you see a bandwagon, it's too late.

(1933 – 1997) Anglo-French billionaire financier
Situations

I was never so scared in my life… and I was in the war!

(1908 – 2005) English actor
Acting Situations

I like trying to get pregnant; I'm not so sure about childbirth.

Mary Anne Evans (1819 – 1880) English novelist, journalist & translator
Sex Situations

The follies which a man regrets most in his life are those which he didn’t commit when he had the opportunity.

Life Murphy’s Laws Situations

I daydreamed that I was falling and, just before I hit the ground, I fell asleep.

comedian
Situations Sleep

Always behave as if nothing had happened, no matter what has happened.

1867 – 1931) English novelist
Beliefs Situations

Do unto others, then run.

(1924 – 1992) English comedian & actor
Situations

In any decision situation, the amount of relevant information available is inversely proportional to the importance of the decision.

Murphy’s Laws Situations

When the blind leadeth the blind… get out of the way.

Proverbs Situations