Subject: Situations (Page 53)

I feel like Adam when he said to Eve, “Back up, I don't know how big this gets.”

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Sex Situations

If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, it’s just possible that you haven’t understood the situation.

Murphy’s Laws Situations

Do not nurse a kid who wears braces.

Children Family Mothers Situations

I was born gay, but eight months of breast feeding wiped that right out.

(1962 – ) American stand-up comedian, writer, actor & radio host
Characteristics Situations

I never drink coffee at lunch, I find it keeps me awake for the afternoon.

(1911 – 2004) 40th U.S. president & actor
Food/Drink Situations Sleep

A bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough, let's go west.' on how Chicago got started

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Places Situations

Some people talk in their sleep; lecturers talk while other people sleep.

(1913 – 1960) French-Algerian author, philosopher & journalist
Communication Situations Sleep Speech

First night, you get socks; second night, an eraser, a notebook – it’s a back to school holiday.

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright
Beliefs Religion Situations

If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can't speak English.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Communication Language Situations TV/Movie Quotes

A hooker once told me she had a headache.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Health Sex Situations

The geek shall inherit the earth.

Proverbs Situations

We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?


(1924 – ) American businessman, president, CEO of Chrysler Corporation
Autos Situations

Before birds get sucked into jet engines, do they ever think, "Is that Rod Stewart in first class?"

(1962 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Situations

Doing a thing well is often a waste of time.

(1930 – ) American author and billiard player, teacher & commentator
Situations Time

I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet, so I said, "Got any shoes you're not using?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Situations

If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate.


Problems Situations

When you pass the buck, don't ask for change.

David Gerrold (1944 – ) science fiction author
Money Situations

Automation has opened up a whole new field of unemployment.

Situations Work

I'm going to marry a Jewish woman because I like the idea of getting up Sunday morning and going to the deli.

(1961 – ) Canadian–American actor, voice actor, author, producer & activist
Beliefs Marriage Religion Situations