Subject: Situations (Page 53)

Pour him out of here!

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Alcohol Situations

He gave her a look you could have poured on a waffle.

(1885 – 1933) columnist & writer
Relationships Situations

If anything goes bad, I did it… if anything goes semi-good, we did it… if anything goes really good, then you did it; that's all it takes to get people to win football games for you.

1913 – 1983) American college football coach
People Situations Success Work

If my dead father was alive to hear that, it would kill him.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Death Family Fathers Misspokements Situations Travel

Don’t forget to delete me from your list of subscribers.

(1865 – 1936) English short-story writer, poet & novelist
Death Situations

People who live in glass houses should masturbate in the basement.

(1972 – ) Irish comedian & television presenter
Sex Situations

People who live in glass houses have to answer the door.

People Situations

I had to recently move back home, because my mom was having trouble paying both our rents.

Actress & comedian
Money Situations

The less I behave like Whistler’s Mother the night before, the more I look like her the morning after.

(1903 – 1968) movie actress
Situations

He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Food/Drink Situations Sleep

At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last.

Murphy’s Laws Situations Time

If I drop out of school, where am I gonna find drugs?

Palestinian/American comedian
Activities Drugs School Situations

Things are gradually falling into place on top of me.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Problems Situations

Women like silent men, they think they're listening.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Men People Situations Women

No man is an island, but some of us are pretty long peninsulas.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
People Situations

People have discovered that they can fool the devil; but they can't fool the neighbors.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
People Situations

Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
People Situations Things

Don't squat with your spurs on.

Beliefs Proverbs Situations

There’s not a man in America who at one time or another hasn’t had a secret desire to boot a child in the ass.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Children Family Situations