Subject: Situations (Page 8)

Did you ever get the feeling that the world was a tuxedo and you were a pair of brown shoes?

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Death People Self Situations

The penalty for success is to be bored by the people who used to snub you.

(1879 – 1964) British politician
Situations Success

The next time I send a damn fool for something, I go myself.

(1879 – 1974) film producer
Misspokements Situations

I just wish once someone would call me "Sir" without adding, "You're making a scene."

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Situations TV/Movie Quotes

The grass is always greener on the side that’s watered.

Proverbs Situations

I haven’t slept for ten days… because that would be too long.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Situations Sleep Time

Everyone wants to ride with you in the limo, but what you need is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.

(1954 – ) American television host, actress, producer & philanthropist
People Situations Success

Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?

(1894 – 1961) author, cartoonist & humorist
Communication Situations Things

If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts.

(1879 – 1955) German-born physicist
Characteristics Facts Intelligence Situations Truth

Either I’ve been missing something or nothing has been going on.

American author
Situations

There can’t be a crisis next week, my schedule is already full.

(1923 – ) German-born diplomat & scholar
Situations Time

In the beginning, there was nothing. And God said, 'Let there be Light.' And there was still nothing, but you could see it a bit better.

Beliefs God Situations

Nothing screams “Welcome for one night” like the inflatable mattress; “Hey, I threw a sheet on a pool raft… hope you like it.”

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian, television writer/producer & radio host
Situations

Bureaucracy is the epoxy that greases the wheels of progress.

(1925 – 2010) American humorist & writer
Government Situations

For a while I didn't have a car, so I drove a helicopter… I didn't have anywhere to park it so I tied a rope to it, and left it running.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Situations Things

A miniature village in Bournemouth caught fire and the flames could be seen nearly three feet away.

(1928 – 2003) English entertainer
Situations Things

When you're up to your nose, keep your mouth shut.

Murphy’s Laws Problems Situations

The worst sensation I know of is getting up at night and stepping on a toy train.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Situations

All the good ones are taken.

Murphy’s Laws Situations

If I can’t have it all, can I at least have some of yours?

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Life Situations

If everything seems under control, you’re not going fast enough.

(1940 – ) Italian-American auto racer
Autos Situations Sports