Subject: Sports » Golf

The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.

Golf Murphy’s Laws Problems Sports

I spent $3 million on drink and $3 million on gambling, but I wasted the rest.

professional golfer
Golf Sports

I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles.

(1874 – 1936) English author & mystery novelist
Activities Golf Sports

There are two reasons for making a hole in one; the first is that it is immensely labor-saving.

Golf Sports

The difference between golf and government is that in golf you can’t improve your lie.

(1928 – ) Armenian American politician
Golf Government Sports

When Lee Trevino and Jack Nicklaus come in, I'll caddie for Jack.

(1935 – ) Puerto Rican professional golfer
Golf Sports

I’m not feeling very well – I need a doctor immediately; ring the nearest golf course.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Doctors Golf Health Sports

I think Jessel’s philosophy about golf was something like: If all you’re going to do is chase the ball, why hit it in the first place?

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Golf Sports

They are like hot air dryers in public lavatories. They are a good idea, but take too long.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator
Golf Sports

Where I play, the greens always break toward the bar.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Golf Sports

Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.

(1932 – 2009) author, poet & critic
Golf Sports

A golf ball is like a clock; always hit it at 6 o’clock and make it go toward 12 o’clock… but make sure you’re in the same time zone.

(1935 – ) Puerto Rican professional golfer
Golf Sports

Never break your putter and your driver in the same round or you're dead.

(1916 – 2008) American professional golfer
Golf Sports

A tap-in is a putt that is short enough to be missed one-handed.

(1945 – ) American humorist (co-founder of National Lampoon)
Golf Sports

In golf, humiliations are the essence of the game.

(1908 – 2004) British/American journalist, television personality & broadcaster
Golf Sports

I don’t fear death, but I sure don’t like those three-footers for par.

(1935 – ) Puerto Rican professional golfer
Characteristics Fear Golf Sports

I don't think he'd even be happy with ice cream right now.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator
Golf Sports

Golf is like love. One day you think you are too old and the next day you want to do it again.

Argentinian professional golfer
Golf Sports

Dr. Beeper: I thought you’d be the man to beat this year.

Ty Webb: I guess you’ll just have to keep beating yourself.

(1943 – ) American comedian, writer & actor
Golf TV/Movie Quotes

When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls.

(1945 – ) American humorist (co-founder of National Lampoon)
Golf Sports

Playing golf is like going to a strip joint… after 18 holes you’re tired and most of your balls are missing.

(1953 – ) comedian & actor
Golf Sports