Subject: Sports » Golf (Page 12)

I figured out why they took out 8,000 trees at Oakmont. It's so people won't hang themselves.

professional golf caddie

I used to play golf with a guy who cheated so badly that he once had a hole in one and wrote down zero on his scorecard.

professional golfer

I think they just got through marinating the greens.

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager

Stroke-Of-Luck: Hole-in-One.

This is a game of misses; the guy who misses the best is going to win.

American professional golfer

There are three roads to ruin; women, gambling, and golf. The most pleasant is with women, the quickest is with gambling, but the surest is with golf.

Azinger is wearing an all black outfit: black jumper, blue trousers, white shoes and a pink tea-cosy hat.

British sports announcer

Isn't it fun to go out on the course and lie in the sun?

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

The good chip allows you to whistle while you walk in the dark alleys of golf.

(1916 – 2008) American professional golfer

If you pick up a golfer and hold it close to your ear, like a conch shell, and listen, you will hear an alibi.

Retire to what?… I'm a golfer and a fisherman; there's nothing to retire to.

professional golfer

The more I practice, the luckier I get.

(1935 – ) South African professional golfer

You can make a lot of money in this game; just ask my ex-wives; both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.

(1942 – ) American professional golfer

The main problem with keeping your eye on the ball is you have to take your eye off your opponent.

(1941 – ) poet, author, editor & anthologist

He hits the ball 130 yards and his jewelry goes 150.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Dr. Beeper: I thought you’d be the man to beat this year.

Ty Webb: I guess you’ll just have to keep beating yourself.

(1943 – ) American comedian, writer & actor

My clubs are well used, but unfortunately not used well.

That one is so far right Michael Moore could make a documentary about it.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator

Yeah, after each of my downhill putts.

professional golfer

But if you figure in the wind chill factor, it’s only 102.

professional golfer

I’m having problems with my putting; but it’s the puttee, not the putter.

professional golfer