Subject: Sports » Golf (Page 17)

That sounded like he hit a roll of wet toilet paper.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator

The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise.

novelist, screenwriter & businessman

The devoted golfer is an anguished soul who has learned a lot about putting, just as an avalanche victim has learned a lot about snow.

(1929 – ) American author & sportswriter

Golf: A pastime that gives people cooped up in the office all week a chance to lie and cheat outdoors.

The people who gave us golf and called it a game are the same people who gave us bag pipes and called it music.

The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course.

(1918 – ) American Christian evangelist

Golf without mistakes is like watching haircuts.

(1919 – 1998) American sportswriter

Someone once told me that there is more to life than golf… I think it was my ex-wife.

(1941 – ) poet, author, editor & anthologist

"Play it as it lies" is one of the fundamental dictates of golf; the other is "Wear it if it clashes."

(1945 – ) American humorist (co-founder of National Lampoon)

I've thrown or broken a few clubs in my day. In fact, I guess at one time or another I probably held distance records for every club in the bag.

(1916 – 2008) American professional golfer

It looks like he has a divot over each ear.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator

The number of shots taken by an opponent who is out of sight is equal to the square root of the sum of the number of curses heard plus the number of swishes.

(1927 – ) British journalist & author

Some people say I play erratic golf. What they mean is I frequently play lousy.

American professional golfer

The good chip allows you to whistle while you walk in the dark alleys of golf.

(1916 – 2008) American professional golfer

If God wants to produce the ideal golfer then He should create a being with a set of unequal arms and likewise legs, an elbow-free left arm, knees which hinge sideways and a ribless torso from which emerges, at an angle of 45 degrees, a stretched neck fitted with one color-blind eye stuck firmly on the left side.

golf author

The rest of the field.

American professional golfer

My psychiatrist prescribed a game of golf as an antidote to the feelings of euphoria I experience from time to time.

(1941 – ) poet, author, editor & anthologist

At least he can’t cheat on his score because all you have to do is look back down the fairway and count the wounded.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

The only thing you should force in a golf swing is the club back in the bag.

American professional golfer

If you could eliminate the occasional bad shot you would be the first person to do so.

American professional golfer

Swinging at daisies is like playing electric guitar with a tennis racket: if it were that easy, we could all be Jerry Garcia. The ball changes everything.

American writer