Subject: Sports » Golf (Page 19)

It’s good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Golf: An ineffectual attempt to direct an uncontrollable sphere into an inaccessible hole with instruments ill-adapted to the purpose.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator

Playing golf can be interesting, but not the part where you try to hit the little ball; only the part where you drive the cart.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

You should always throw a club ahead of you so that you don’t have to walk any extra distance to get it.

(1916 – 2008) American professional golfer

The great thing about golf – and this is the reason why a lot of health experts like me recommend it – you can drink beer and ride in a cart while you play.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise.

novelist, screenwriter & businessman

One of the advantages bowling has over golf is that you seldom lose a bowling ball.

(1926 – ) professional bowler

Then I was skinnier, I hit it better, I putted better, and I could see better… other than that, everything is the same.

professional golfer

The point is that it doesn't matter if you look like a beast before or after the hit, as long as you look like a beauty at the moment of impact.

Spanish professional golfer

It looks like he has a divot over each ear.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator

Handicap: An allocation of strokes on one or more holes that permits two golfers of very different ability to do equally poorly on the same course.

(1945 – ) American humorist (co-founder of National Lampoon)

Businessman: One who talks golf all morning at the office, and business all afternoon on the links.

Drive: A shot that comes after the whiff and before the mulligan.

(1945 – ) American humorist (co-founder of National Lampoon)

The golf swing is among the most stressful and unnatural acts in sports, short of cheering for the Yankees.

American professional golfer

The number of shots taken by an opponent who is out of sight is equal to the square root of the sum of the number of curses heard plus the number of swishes.

(1927 – ) British journalist & author