Subject: Sports » Golf (Page 2)

Give me a man with big hands and big feet and no brains and I'll make a golfer out of him.

American professional golfer
Golf Sports

A ball will always come to rest halfway down a hill, unless there is sand or water at the bottom.

(1945 – ) American humorist (co-founder of National Lampoon)
Golf Sports

Gimme:  An agreement between two losers who can't putt.

(1907 – 1987) American journalist & author
Golf Situations Sports

Water holes are sacrificial waters where you make a steady gift of your pride and high-priced balls.

(1916 – 2008) American professional golfer
Golf Sports

You know you're on the Senior Tour when your back goes out more than you do.

professional golfer
Golf Sports

Fairway: The well-kept and seldom used portion of a golf course.

Definitions Golf Sports

If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.


(1912 – 2002) professional golfer
Golf Sports

It takes longer to learn to be a good golfer than it does to become a brain surgeon. On the other hand, you don't get to ride around on a cart, drink beer, eat hot dogs and stare at the cart girl's tits all day if you are performing brain surgery.

Golf Occupations Sports Work

Some players would complain if they had to play on Dolly Parton's bedspread.

(1910 – 1983) professional golfer
Golf Sports

When the ducks are walking, you know it is too windy to be playing golf.

American professional golfer
Golf Science/Weather Sports

Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards?

disc jockey, screenwriter & humorist
Golf Sports

I can airmail the golf ball, but sometimes I don't put the right address on it.

American professional golfer
Golf Sports

Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by an occasional miracle.

Golf Sports

Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself.

sports commentator
Golf Misspokements Sports

Man blames fate for other accidents but feels personally responsible for a hole-in-one.

Golf Situations Sports

Impossible Lie: In golf, a ball that is in a position that is both completely obstructed by an immovable object and continuously observed by an incorruptible player.

Definitions Golf Sports

You don’t know what pressure is until you play for five bucks with only two in your pocket.

(1942 – ) American professional golfer
Golf Sports

There are three things in the world that he held in the smallest esteem – slugs, poets and caddies with hiccups.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Golf Sports

The Royal Hong Kong Club caddies hit the nail on the head; their term for golf – "Hittee ball, say damn."

Golf Sports

The older I get, the better I used to be.

(1942 – ) American professional golfer
Age Golf Old Sports

Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.

(1932 – 2009) author, poet & critic
Golf Sports