Subject: Sports » Golf (Page 4)

We have fifty-one golf courses in Palm Springs; he (Gerald Ford) never decides which course he will play until after the first tee shot.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Handicapped Golfer: The man playing his boss.

It looks like he has a divot over each ear.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator

I try to play golf at least once a day.

(1924 – 2012) American football player & coach

If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it left, it's a hook. If I hit it straight, it's a miracle.

American professional golfer

Dead Golfer Plays His Best Round

Putts get real difficult the day they hand out the money.

(1942 – ) American professional golfer

A woman I know is engaged to a real golf nut.  They are supposed to get married next Saturday…but only if it rains.

The reason they call if ‘golf’ is that all the other four-letter words were used up.

I'll always remember the day I broke ninety. I had a few beers in the clubhouse and was so excited I forgot to play the back nine.

(1941 – ) poet, author, editor & anthologist

I don't want to play golf. When I hit a ball, I want someone else to go chase it.

professional baseball player

Show me a man with a great golf game, and I’ll show you a man who has been neglecting something.

(1917 – 1963) 35th U.S. president

Handicap: An allocation of strokes on one or more holes that permits two golfers of very different ability to do equally poorly on the same course.

(1945 – ) American humorist (co-founder of National Lampoon)

I've heard people say putting is 50 percent technique and 50 percent mental. I really believe it is 50 percent technique and 90 percent positive thinking, see, but that adds up to 140 percent, which is why nobody is 100 percent sure how to putt.

(1935 – ) Puerto Rican professional golfer

He plays just like a union man… he negotiates the final score.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Real golfers, no matter what the provocation, never strike a caddie with the driver; the sand wedge is far more effective.

The last time I played golf with President Ford he hit a birdie – and an eagle, a moose, an elk, an aardvark…

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

A professional will tell you the amount of flex you need in the shaft of your club. The more the flex, the more strength you will need to break the thing over your knees.

You never had to ask his score; just count the casualties.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

Golf is more fun than walking naked in a strange place, but not much.

(1924 – 2003) American comedian & actor