Golf | Just-One-Liners.com

Subject: Sports » Golf (Page 5)

I play in the low 80's. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.

Joe E. Lewis

(1902 – 1971) American comedian & singer

Never has my flabber been so completely gasted

David Feherty

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator

Golf Sports After a great Tiger Woods shot

If you’d offered me a 69 at the start this morning I’d have been all over you.

Sam Torrance

Scottish professional golfer

Golf Misspokements Sports

The number of shots taken by an opponent who is out of sight is equal to the square root of the sum of the number of curses heard plus the number of swishes.

Michael Green

(1927 – ) British journalist & author

Golf Sports Shots

The safest place would be in the fairway.

Joe Garagiola

(1926 – 2016) American baseball player, announcer & television host

Golf Sports Before teeing off at a golf tournament

Only a stupid golfer throws his club behind him; the smart golfer throws his club ahead so he can pick it up on the way to the next hole.

Anonymous

Golf Sports Golf clubs

By the time a man can afford to lose a golf ball, he can't hit it that far.

Lewis Grizzard Jr.

(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist

Age Golf Old Sports

Golf is a game in which you yell ‘fore,’ shoot six, and write down five.

Paul Harvey

(1918 – 2009) radio broadcaster

Golf Sports

The golf swing is like a suitcase into which we are trying to pack one too many things.

John Updike

(1932 – 2009) author, poet & critic

Golf Sports

If you call on God to improve the results of a shot while it is still in motion, you are using “an outside agency” and subject to appropriate penalties under the rules of golf.

Henry Longhurst

British golf writer & commentator

God Golf Sports Rules

I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles.

G.K. Chesterton

(1874 – 1936) English author & mystery novelist

Activities Golf Sports Marbles

Golf is not so much a sport as an insult to lawns.

National Lampoon

Golf Sports

Congress

Lyndon Johnson

(1908 – 1973) 36th U.S. president

Congress Golf Government Sports When asked his handicap at a golf tournament

I can airmail the golf ball, but sometimes I don't put the right address on it.

Jim Dent

American professional golfer

Golf Sports

Azinger is wearing an all black outfit: black jumper, blue trousers, white shoes and a pink tea-cosy hat.

Renton Laidlaw

British sports announcer

Appearance Clothing Golf Misspokements Sports

My golf game's gone off so much that when I went fishing a couple of weeks ago my first cast missed the lake.

Ben Crenshaw

American professional golfer

Golf Sports

Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose.

Winston Churchill

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator

Golf Sports

I played golf with a priest the other day. He shot par-par-par-par-par. Finally I said to him, "Father, if you're playing golf like this you haven't been saving many souls lately.”

Sam Snead

(1912 – 2002) professional golfer

Golf Sports

I spent $3 million on drink and $3 million on gambling, but I wasted the rest.

John Daly

professional golfer

Golf Sports

Golf is a game in which the ball lies poorly and the players well.

Art Rosenbaum

(1912 – 2003) American sports writer

Characteristics Golf Honesty Lies Sports

Isn't it great to live in a society where the penalty for lying to a congressman can be up to 30 years in jail, but the penalty for a congressman lying to you is another two years in office.

Peter Schmuck

(1955 – ) American sportswriter

Beliefs Congress Golf Government Honesty Law Lies

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Subject: Sports » Golf (Page 5)

I play in the low 80's. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.

Never has my flabber been so completely gasted

If you’d offered me a 69 at the start this morning I’d have been all over you.

The number of shots taken by an opponent who is out of sight is equal to the square root of the sum of the number of curses heard plus the number of swishes.

The safest place would be in the fairway.

Only a stupid golfer throws his club behind him; the smart golfer throws his club ahead so he can pick it up on the way to the next hole.

By the time a man can afford to lose a golf ball, he can't hit it that far.

Golf is a game in which you yell ‘fore,’ shoot six, and write down five.

The golf swing is like a suitcase into which we are trying to pack one too many things.

If you call on God to improve the results of a shot while it is still in motion, you are using “an outside agency” and subject to appropriate penalties under the rules of golf.

I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles.

Golf is not so much a sport as an insult to lawns.

Congress

I can airmail the golf ball, but sometimes I don't put the right address on it.

Azinger is wearing an all black outfit: black jumper, blue trousers, white shoes and a pink tea-cosy hat.

My golf game's gone off so much that when I went fishing a couple of weeks ago my first cast missed the lake.

Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose.

I played golf with a priest the other day. He shot par-par-par-par-par. Finally I said to him, "Father, if you're playing golf like this you haven't been saving many souls lately.”

I spent $3 million on drink and $3 million on gambling, but I wasted the rest.

Golf is a game in which the ball lies poorly and the players well.

Isn't it great to live in a society where the penalty for lying to a congressman can be up to 30 years in jail, but the penalty for a congressman lying to you is another two years in office.