Hockey | Just-One-Liners.com

Subject: Sports » Hockey (Page 3)

I’m not a cancer, I’m a Gemini.

Mathieu Schneider

American ice hockey player

I only have one goal in each stick.

Petr Klima

Czech ice hockey player

Hockey Sports Explaining why he broke his sticks after scoring

People didn't know the difference between a blue line and a clothes line.

Al Michaels

sports announcer

Hockey Sports Describing Americans' knowledge of hockey prior to the "Miracle on Ice"

He’s easy to do. Sit on the bench. Play about 10 minutes a game.

Jaromir Jagr

Czech hockey player

Hockey Sports Joking about doing an impression of player Matthew Barnaby

I'd trade Larry Murphy for a shaved monkey who could skate and a bucket of pucks.

An angry Toronto Maple Leafs fan

Hockey Sports Larry Murphy

We're right next to Mile High Stadium. I'm no rocket scientist, but… uh… [smile]

Brian Skrudland

Canadian hockey player

Hockey Sports When asked if he knew the elevation of the Colorado Avalanche Arena

Hockey is the only job I know where you get paid to have a nap on the day of the game.

Chico Resch

(1958 – ) Canadian hockey player & announcer

Hockey Sports Work Naps

The Rangers…

Gump Worsley

Canadian professional hockey goalie

Hockey Sports When asked which team gave him the most trouble — he played for the Rangers at the time

I was kind of hoping it would straighten it out.

Rod Brind'Amour

Canadian hockey player

Hockey Sports On suffering his fourth broken nose

I’ve told you guys before, goalies don’t think.

Chris Osgood

Canadian hockey goaltender

Hockey Sports On what he thinks about when he sees Wayne Gretzky breakaway

Bob Kelly was so dumb, they shoulda written his name on the Stanley Cup in crayon.

Gene Hart

American sports announcer

Hockey Insults Sports

My wife made me a millionaire. Before she divorced me, I had three million.

Bobby Hull

professional hockey player

Divorce Hockey Marriage Misspokements Sports

Yes, and I also like jumping out of tall buildings.

John Vanbiesbrouck

American hockey goaltender

Hockey Sports When asked if he enjoyed facing 51 shots in a game

All the records were gone. So I figured here's one record I can get.

Robert Dirk

Canadian hockey player

Hockey Sports After getting the first instigator penalty in Anaheim Mighty Ducks history

Hockey belongs to the Cartoon Network, where a person can be pancaked by an ACME anvil, then expanded – accordion-style – back to full stature, without any lasting side effect.

Steve Rushin

(1966 – ) American journalist & novelist

Hockey Sports

Hockey would be a great game… if played in the mud.

Jimmy Cannon

(1909 – 1973) American sports journalist

Hockey Sports

I'm just glad it wasn't machete night.

Bob Froese

Canadian hockey player

Hockey Sports After Rangers’ fans threw mugs on the ice during ‘mug night’

Arrive at the net with the puck and in ill humor.

Fred Shero

(1925 – 1990) Canadian hockey player, coach & general manager

Hockey Sports

Have another donut you fat pig!

Jim Schoenfeld

Canadian hockey player & general manager

Hockey Sports To referee Don Koharski

We take the shortest route to the puck and arrive in ill humor.

Bobby Clarke

professional hockey player

Hockey Sports Also Bowden Wyatt

The kid looks good in his first game.

Gordie Howe

(1928 – ) Canadian professional ice hockey player

Hockey Sports At age 51 – after 41-year-old Bobby Hull made his 1979 debut with the Hartford Whalers

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Subject: Sports » Hockey (Page 3)

I’m not a cancer, I’m a Gemini.

I only have one goal in each stick.

People didn't know the difference between a blue line and a clothes line.

He’s easy to do. Sit on the bench. Play about 10 minutes a game.

I'd trade Larry Murphy for a shaved monkey who could skate and a bucket of pucks.

We're right next to Mile High Stadium. I'm no rocket scientist, but… uh… [smile]

Hockey is the only job I know where you get paid to have a nap on the day of the game.

The Rangers…

I was kind of hoping it would straighten it out.

I’ve told you guys before, goalies don’t think.

Bob Kelly was so dumb, they shoulda written his name on the Stanley Cup in crayon.

My wife made me a millionaire. Before she divorced me, I had three million.

Yes, and I also like jumping out of tall buildings.

All the records were gone. So I figured here's one record I can get.

Hockey belongs to the Cartoon Network, where a person can be pancaked by an ACME anvil, then expanded – accordion-style – back to full stature, without any lasting side effect.

Hockey would be a great game… if played in the mud.

I'm just glad it wasn't machete night.

Arrive at the net with the puck and in ill humor.

Have another donut you fat pig!

We take the shortest route to the puck and arrive in ill humor.

The kid looks good in his first game.