Subject: Sports » Hockey (Page 7)

Bob Kelly was so dumb, they shoulda written his name on the Stanley Cup in crayon.

American sports announcer

I know my players don't like my practices, but that's OK, because I don't like their games.

Canadian hockey coach, general manager & commentator

Ice hockey is a form of disorderly conduct in which the score is kept. 

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist

Part of the learning curve in Edmonton is learning to hate Calgary.

professional hockey player

I was hoping I could still be an underwear model after my career is over.

Canadian hockey player

Hockey players wear numbers because you can’t always identify the body with dental records.

All the records were gone. So I figured here's one record I can get.

Canadian hockey player

There are two types of forwards. Scorers and bangers. Scorers score and bangers bang.

Canadian hockey goaltender, politician, lawyer, businessman & author

Bert's wallet is like an onion. Any time he opens it, he starts crying.

Canadian hockey player

Winning is always fun, but the car is more important.

Finnish hockey player

I'd rather fight than score.

Canadian hockey player

If you keep your opposition on their ass, they don’t score goals.

(1925 – 1990) Canadian hockey player, coach & general manager

Goaltenders are three sandwiches shy of a picnic. From the moment primitive man lurched erect, he survived on the principle that when something hard and potentially lethal comes toward you at great velocity, get the hell out of it's path.

Canadian hockey player

They say you're not a coach in the league till you've been fired. I must be getting pretty good.

Canadian hockey player & coach

He should know better than that. He knows I only drink scotch.

Canadian professional hockey goalie

If officials called every penalty they saw, there would be no players on the ice and no one in the rink.

professional hockey referee

I don't think you ever stopped Bobby Orr. You contained him.  He was too talented and too great a player.  When we played the Bruins and Bobby had to give up the puck it was a good play.

Canadian hockey player

Every time a puck gets past me and I look back into the net, I say, ‘uh-oh.'

Canadian ice hockey goaltender

When he gets mad, it's like he's in another world. He'll look at you with those big eyes and they'll be going around in circles.

professional hockey player

Hockey is figure skating in a war zone

For the Leafs, there are two kinds of games: those they lose because of the officiating and those they win despite the officiating.

Ottawa Mayor