Subject: Sports (Page 10)

The only way to avoid hitting a tree is to aim at it.

Golf Murphy’s Laws Sports

I used to pray to the Lord every night to make me a hockey player. Of course, I forgot to mention the NHL so I spent 16 years in the minors.

Canadian hockey player, coach & commentator
Hockey Sports

I love my dad… he used to be a professional wrestler in Mexico, so, it was cool growing up with him ’cause when he hit us, he didn’t really hit us.

(1976 – ) comedian
Family Fathers Sports

Actually we’re trying to get it to flood both locker rooms, just to be fair.

Nassau Coliseum general manager
Hockey Sports

Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself.

sports commentator
Golf Misspokements Sports

Her time is about 4.33, which she’s capable of.

(1926 – ) English sports commentator
Colemanballs Misspokements Sports

Anything happens in Grand Prix racing, and it usually does.

(1923 – ) English motorsport commentator
Misspokements Sports

He's got a nutritionist, and I've got room service.

(1949 – ) American boxing champion
Boxing Eating Food/Drink Sports

You draw Xs and Os on a blackboard and that's not so difficult… I can even do it with my left hand.

(1923 – 2001) American football coach
Football Sports

Whoever came up with ice fishing must have had the worst marriage on the planet.

(1953 – ) American comedian & writer
Marriage Sports

I don't know what kind of test they can give him; he's delirious half the time anyway.

American basketball coach
Basketball Sports

We went to Alaska once and they made us honorary Alaskans. Then we went to Hawaii and they made us honorary Hawaiians. We're going to the Virgin Islands this year.

(1922 – 2002) American college basketball coach
Basketball Places Sports

Frank Bruno has a chin of such pure Waterford crystal; it gives rise to the old adage that people who live in glass jaws shouldn't throw punches. The biggest danger in fighting Bruno is that you might get hit by flying glass.

(1919 – 1998) American sportswriter
Boxing Sports

It looks like he has a divot over each ear.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator
Golf Sports

Getting cut in the face is a pain in the butt.

Canadian hockey player
Hockey Misspokements Sports

The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.

Golf Murphy’s Laws Problems Sports

You'll pardon me gentlemen if I make the fight short. I have a train to catch.

Canadian boxer
Boxing Sports

The champion, Jess Willard, had about as much chance in this fight as a dish-faced chimpanzee in a beauty contest.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Boxing Sports

Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Golf Sports

What’s the toughest thing in a professional football game? … Its being the mother of the quarterback.

(1936 – ) American football coach & television announcer
Family Football Mothers Sports

Why, they shot the wrong McKinley!

professional baseball player
Baseball Sports