Subject: Sports (Page 100)

My word, look at that magnificent erection.

British horse racing commentator
Sports

Jack Dempsey hits like an epileptic pile-driver.

Boxing Sports

Ali wouldn't have hit Joe Louis on the bum with a handful of rice.

American boxer
Boxing Sports

He's usually a good puller – but he couldn't get it up that time.

Australian cricketer & commentator
Misspokements Sports

Winning is everything. The only ones who remember you when you come second are your wife and your dog.

British auto racer
Auto racing Sports

Well, I guess I was just in the right place at the right time.

Dominican baseball player
Baseball Sports

Goaltenders are three sandwiches shy of a picnic. From the moment primitive man lurched erect, he survived on the principle that when something hard and potentially lethal comes toward you at great velocity, get the hell out of it's path.

Canadian hockey player
Hockey Sports

I found a delivery in my flaw.

(1953 – 1998) baseball player
Baseball Misspokements Sports

Personally, I’ve always looks upon cricket as organized loafing.

(1881–1944) Archbishop of Canterbury
Sports

A school without football is in danger of deteriorating into a medieval study hall.

American basketball coach & executive
Education Football School Sports

Where I play, the greens always break toward the bar.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Golf Sports

I wanted to have a career in sports when I was young, but I had to give it up. I'm only six feet tall, so I couldn't play basketball. I'm only 190 pounds, so I couldn't play football. And I have 20-20 vision, so I couldn't be a referee.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Occupations Sports Work

My game is so bad I gotta hire three caddies – one to walk the left rough, one for the right rough, and one down the middle. And the one down the middle doesn't have much to do.

American professional golfer
Golf Sports

If I fought Evander [Holyfield] with a baseball bat, I would win the fight… but it would be by decision.

Boxing Sports

So many of [English sporting promoter] Barry Hearn's boxers end up in the hospital; he should sell his limousine and buy an ambulance.

British boxer
Boxing Sports

Lady Jacks Off to Hot Start in Conference

Headlines Sports

If it's your brain, you'll be fine. That's the smallest organ in your body.

(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality
Basketball Sports

That’s the fourth extra base hit for the Padres – two doubles and a triple.

(1924 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Baseball Misspokements Sports

The biggest liar in the world is the golfer who claims that he plays the game merely for exercise.

(1916 – 2008) American professional golfer
Beliefs Golf Honesty Lies Sports

That's the fastest time ever run – but it's not as fast as the world record.

(1926 – ) English sports commentator
Colemanballs Misspokements Sports

Isn't it fun to go out on the course and lie in the sun?

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Beliefs Golf Honesty Lies Sports