Subject: Sports (Page 101)

I’ll always be Number 1 to myself.

professional basketball player
Misspokements Sports

Years ago we had the Raging Bull, Jake LaMotta. Today, we've got the Raging Bullshit, Bruce Strauss.

boxing matchmaker
Boxing Sports

The amount of wind will vary inversely with the number and experience of the people you take on board.

Murphy’s Laws Sports

He's the kind of player who usually comes along rarely and sometimes never.

(1927 – ) American football coach
Football Misspokements Sports

Sean Avery is liked about as much as a rattlesnake at a picnic.

Hockey Sports

I guess I'll have to gain 60 pounds, start smoking a cigar and wear clothes that don't match.

American baseball player
Baseball Sports

If hockey fights were fake, I'd be in more of them.

professional hockey player
Fights Hockey Sports

You can't get rich sitting on the bench, but I'm giving it a try.

professional baseball player
Baseball Money Sports

Football incorporates the two worst elements of American society: violence punctuated by committee meetings.

(1941 – ) columnist, commentator & editor
Football Sports

I don't have anywhere to put my elbows when I putt now.

professional golfer
Golf Sports

For those who know golf, no explanation is necessary. For those who don't, no explanation is possible.

(1919 – 1998) American sportswriter
Golf Sports

I never tried to outsmart nobody; it was easier to outdummy them.

professional baseball player
Baseball Sports

Drive: A shot that comes after the whiff and before the mulligan.

(1945 – ) American humorist (co-founder of National Lampoon)
Golf Sports

It's easy to stay in the majors for seven and a half years when you hit .300; but when you hit .216 like me, it's really an accomplishment.

professional baseball player
Baseball Sports

My God, kids today think that the laces are for tying up the gloves.

American boxer
Boxing Sports

It would be unprintable on television.

English cricketer
Misspokements Sports

If me and King Kong went into an alley, only one of us would come out. And it wouldn't be the monkey.

American football defensive end
Football Sports

All of a sudden he’s hurt and I’ve got to get the popcorn out of my teeth.

American hockey player
Hockey Sports

The fewer rules a coach has, the fewer rules there are for players to break.

(1936 – ) American football coach & television announcer
Activities Sports

Nobody remembers the guy who finished second but the guy who finished second.

American auto racer
Auto racing Sports

We get nose jobs all the time in the NHL, and we don't even have to go to the hospital. 

Canadian hockey player
Hockey Sports