Subject: Sports (Page 103)

His golf bag does not contain a full set of irons.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Golf Insults Intelligence

Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.

(1932 – 2009) author, poet & critic
Golf Sports

You draw Xs and Os on a blackboard and that's not so difficult… I can even do it with my left hand.

(1923 – 2001) American football coach
Football Sports

We’re trying to accomplish in five games what in previous years it took 162 games to do.

(1930 – 2013) American baseball manager
Baseball Sports

Actually, the only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a tarantula… and it took a 7 to do that.

(1919 – 1998) American sportswriter
Golf Sports

Since my kids were born, I put on a shield. I wanted to keep on seeing them.

Russian hockey player
Hockey Sports

If you’re up against a girl with big boobs, bring her to the net and make her hit backhand volleys. It’s the hardest shot for the well-endowed; like when I used to beat Ann Jones, she could hit under them or over them but never through them.

American professional tennis player
Body Sports

If you don't have outstanding relief pitching, you might as well piss on the fire and call the dogs.

(1931 – ) American baseball player & manager
Baseball Sports

It tastes like any other sport drink.

Japanese marathoner
Misspokements Sports

We know how much fans enjoy a good brawl, so we are going to guarantee a fight. If there is not a single five-minute fighting major given to a player, every fan in attendance will receive a free ticket to the following home game.

Conflict Fights Hockey Sports

The final score after eight innings is Giants 3, Padres 2.

(1924 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Baseball Misspokements Sports

We haven't had the rub of the dice.

English football player & manager
Misspokements Sports

Eric Show will be oh-for-ten if that pop fly comes down.

(1924 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Baseball Misspokements Sports

At 180 mph, when your front wheel wants to play pogo stick, you don't do nothing. You don't sneeze, you don't hiccup, you don't even breathe. All you do is point it and hang on.

American motorcycle racer
Auto racing Sports

If you’ve only got one day to live, come see the Toronto Maple Leafs… it’ll seem like forever.

hockey announcer
Hockey Sports Time

In Montana, they renamed a town after an all-time great, Joe Montana. Well, a town in Massachusetts changed their name to honor my guy Terry Bradshaw – Marblehead.

American football player & commentator
Football Sports

You gotta be a man to play baseball for a living, but you gotta have a lot of little boy in you.

American baseball player
Baseball Characteristics Sports

It hurt to even bump into him.

(1914 – 1981) American boxing champion
Boxing Sports

Howard Cosell is nobody’s fool. He’s everybody’s fool.

(1942 – ) American boxing champion
Boxing Insults Sports

I’ll fight Lloyd Honeyghan for nothing if the price is right.

American professional boxer
Boxing Misspokements Sports

Penn State had less firepower than Sweden did in World War II.

(1931 – 2012) American college football historian & television commentator
Football Sports