Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Sports
(Page 104)
He's great to the old guys. He's got one trainer just to treat varicose veins.
Alex Karras
(1935 – 2012) American football player, sports announcer & actor
Age
Football
Old
Sports
On coach George Allen
Owner of the A's, Charlie Finley: I noticed when you went out to the mound, you had grass stains on the seat of your pants. That's not a good example to set for your players.
Bauer calmly replied: Those weren't grass stains, Charlie… that was mistletoe.
Hank Bauer
(1922 – 2007) American baseball player & manager
Baseball
Sports
If a tie is like kissing your sister, losing is like kissing your grandmother with her teeth out.
George Brett
(1953 – ) American baseball player
Situations
Sports
Kissing your sister
Losing
Ties
Overwhelming underdogs.
‘Yogi' Berra
(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager
Baseball
Yogi-isms
Describing the 1969 New York Mets
For the Washington Senators, the worst time of the year is the baseball season.
Roger Kahn
(1927 – ) American author & baseball writer
Baseball
Sports
The Washington Senators
What goes up must come down. But don't expect it to come down where you can find it.
Lily Tomlin
(1939 – ) comedian, actress, writer & producer
Golf
Sports
I don’t want to shoot my mouth in my foot, but those are games we can win.
Sherman Douglas
professional basketball player
Basketball
Misspokements
Sports
They call Ray Robinson the best fighter, pound for pound. I'm the best fighter, ounce for ounce.
Willie Pep
1922 – 2006) American boxing champion
Boxing
Sports
No, I don't fight anybody I played against in Juniors. I think everyone I played Juniors with is dead now.
Kelly Buchberger
Canadian hockey player & coach
Hockey
Sports
If you see the ball, hit it… that’s what it’s there for.
‘Yogi' Berra
(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager
Baseball
Sports
Yogi-isms
One reason I never called balks is that I never understood the rule.
Ron Luciano
(1937 – 1995) American Major League Baseball umpire
Baseball
Sports
Balks
So what? I can play
Smoke on the Water.
Garth Snow
American hockey goaltender
Hockey
Sports
After giving up a goal to a band member of Nickelback in a scrimmage
I can be found the next couple of months trying to perfect my new punch – the lip-buttoner.
Archie Moore
American boxing champion
Boxing
Sports
Before his fight with the talkative Cassius Clay
I didn't hear him because my two Stanley Cup rings were plugging my ears.
Jeremy Roenick
professional hockey player
Hockey
Sports
Referring to Jeremy Roenick’s talking during the NHL playoffs
George Foreman can knock down an oak tree, but oak trees don't move.
Angelo Dundee
American boxing trainer
Boxing
Sports
Referring to Muhammad Ali
Obviously a deer on the fairway has seen you tee off before and knows that the safest place to be when you play is right down the middle.
Jackie Gleason
(1916 – 1987) television actor & comedian
Golf
Sports
To his playing partner as a deer stood in the middle of the fairway
An almost inexorable baseball law: A Red Sox ship with a single leak will always find a way to sink; no team is worshipped with such a perverse sense of fatality.
Thomas Boswell
American sportswriter
Baseball
Sports
Boston Red Sox
I've got a tip on the market for you fellows, buy Pennsylvania Railroad – because by tomorrow night about a dozen of you bums will be riding on it.
Casey Stengel
(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager
Baseball
Sports
If we hadn’t given them those first four touchdowns, it might have been different.
H.K. "Cootie" Reeves
American football coach
Football
Misspokements
Sports
On losing a game 53-0
I told one player, 'Son, I can't understand it with you. Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.'
Frank Layden
American basketball coach & executive
Basketball
Intelligence
Apathy
Ignorance
The best advice I can give for playing a ball out of water is – don't.
Tony Lema
American professional golfer
Golf
Sports
Water hazards
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