Subject: Sports (Page 107)

A well-adjusted man is one who can play golf as if it were a game.

I can tell you it’s a magnificent sensation when the gap opens up like that and you just burst right through.

New Zealand rugby player & commentator

Grass is for cows.

Czech tennis player

Baseball owners have moral scruples against taking any man’s dollar when there is a chance to take a dollar and a quarter.

(1905–1982) American sportswriter

Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by an occasional miracle.

Yeah, after each of my downhill putts.

professional golfer

The front wheel crosses the finish line, closely followed by the back wheel.

(1926 – ) English sports commentator

They shouldn’t throw at me; I’m the father of five or six kids.

professional baseball player

When we played, World Series checks meant something; now all they do is screw up your taxes.

American baseball pitcher & announcer

I never thought I'd lead the NBA in rebounding, but I got a lot of help from my teammates – they did a lot of missing.

professional basketball player

Watching a shootout is like admitting you watch  Survivor or search the internet for porn.

(1969 – ) Canadian ice hockey player & executive

Golf is not, and never has been, a fair game.

(1940 – ) professional golfer

Rugby is a beastly game played by gentlemen; soccer is a gentlemen's game played by beasts; football is a beastly game played by beasts.

He's been burning the midnight oil at both ends.

English sports commentator

If I fought Evander [Holyfield] with a baseball bat, I would win the fight… but it would be by decision.

He's as old as some trees.

Canadian hockey player & coach

The only thing you should force in a golf swing is the club back in the bag.

American professional golfer

If I'd known I was going to pitch a no-hitter today, I would have gotten a haircut.

professional baseball player

Let me know if Cain is able.

(1923 – 2001) American football coach

Tommy John is so old, he uses Absorbine Senior.

(1952 – ) American sportscaster

Mansell handles corners better than Maradona.