Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Sports
(Page 107)
A well-adjusted man is one who can play golf as if it were a game.
Anonymous
Golf
Sports
I can tell you it’s a magnificent sensation when the gap opens up like that and you just burst right through.
Murray Mexted
New Zealand rugby player & commentator
Misspokements
Sports
Rugby
Grass is for cows.
Jan Kodes
Czech tennis player
Sports
On his disdain for grass courts
Tennis
Baseball owners have moral scruples against taking any man’s dollar when there is a chance to take a dollar and a quarter.
Red Smith
(1905–1982) American sportswriter
Baseball
Money
Sports
Greed
Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by an occasional miracle.
Anonymous
Golf
Sports
Yeah, after each of my downhill putts.
Homero Blancas
professional golfer
Golf
Sports
Putting
When asked if he had any uphill putts
The front wheel crosses the finish line, closely followed by the back wheel.
David Coleman
(1926 – ) English sports commentator
Colemanballs
Misspokements
Sports
At the velodrome
Bicycle racing
They shouldn’t throw at me; I’m the father of five or six kids.
Tito Fuentes
professional baseball player
Baseball
Misspokements
Sports
After getting hit by a pitch
When we played, World Series checks meant something; now all they do is screw up your taxes.
Don Drysdale
American baseball pitcher & announcer
Baseball
Money
Sports
I never thought I'd lead the NBA in rebounding, but I got a lot of help from my teammates – they did a lot of missing.
Moses Malone
professional basketball player
Basketball
Sports
Rebounding
Watching a shootout is like admitting you watch
Survivor
or search the internet for porn.
Brendan Shanahan
(1969 – ) Canadian ice hockey player & executive
Hockey
Sports
Shootouts
Golf is not, and never has been, a fair game.
Jack Nicklaus
(1940 – ) professional golfer
Golf
Sports
Rugby is a beastly game played by gentlemen; soccer is a gentlemen's game played by beasts; football is a beastly game played by beasts.
Henry Blaha
Football
Sports
Rugby
Soccer
He's been burning the midnight oil at both ends.
Sid Waddell
English sports commentator
Mixed metaphors
Sports
Darts
If I fought Evander [Holyfield] with a baseball bat, I would win the fight… but it would be by decision.
Taft Corbett
Boxing
Sports
Evander Holyfield
He's as old as some trees.
Pat Burns
Canadian hockey player & coach
Age
Hockey
Old
Sports
On veteran player Mike Gartner
The only thing you should force in a golf swing is the club back in the bag.
Byron Nelson
American professional golfer
Golf
Sports
If I'd known I was going to pitch a no-hitter today, I would have gotten a haircut.
Bo Belinsky
professional baseball player
Baseball
Sports
Let me know if Cain is able.
John McKay
(1923 – 2001) American football coach
Football
Sports
On injured Atlanta Falcon running back Lynn Cain
Tommy John is so old, he uses Absorbine Senior.
Bob Costas
(1952 – ) American sportscaster
Age
Baseball
Old
Sports
Tommy John
Mansell handles corners better than Maradona.
Banner at Silverstone Raceway
Auto racing
Signs
Sports
Of British auto racer Nigel Mansell
Page 107 of 125
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