Subject: Sports (Page 112)

I was offered a spot in an ad for neutering pets… not exactly what I had in mind.

American baseball pitcher
Baseball Sports

He told me just to keep the ball low.

(1935 – ) Puerto Rican professional golfer
Golf Sports

On fishing shows they always throw the fish back; they don’t want to eat them, they just want to make them late for something.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Sports

Give blood. Play hockey. 

Hockey Sports

Me and George and Billy are two of a kind.

professional baseball player
Misspokements Sports

Reggie Jackson wouldn’t get into the batter’s box until he knew we were back from commercial; of course, [Bob] Uecker wanted to hit during the commercial.

sports announcer
Baseball Sports

It's like an octopus falling out of a tree.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator
Golf Sports

The older you get the stronger the wind gets… and it's always in your face.

(1940 – ) professional golfer
Golf Sports

Golfing excellence goes hand in hand with alcohol, as many an Open and Amateur champion has shown.

British golf writer & commentator
Alcohol Food/Drink Golf Sports

For the Leafs, there are two kinds of games: those they lose because of the officiating and those they win despite the officiating.

Ottawa Mayor
Hockey Sports

I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me; I want all the kids to copulate me.

professional baseball player
Misspokements Sports

I hate the minor leagues. I'd rather go out to lunch with my ex-wife's attorney, then play in the minors.

baseball player
Baseball Sports

Never bet with anyone you meet on the first tee who has a deep suntan, a 1-iron in his bag, and squinty eyes.

professional golfer
Golf Sports

Not intentionally, but I sweat easily.

(1908 – 1989) American baseball player
Baseball Sports

I wish I could play my normal game… just once.

Golf Sports

Winning isn’t everything, but it beats anything that comes in second.

1913 – 1983) American college football coach
Sports

If the roof fell in and Diz was sitting in the middle of the room, everybody else would be buried and a gumdrop would fall in his mouth.

(1906 – 1991) American baseball player, coach & manager
Baseball Sports

The Champagne they have stored is getting more valuable every year.

(1925 – 2005) television host
Alcohol Baseball Food/Drink Sports

Golf without mistakes is like watching haircuts.

(1919 – 1998) American sportswriter
Golf Sports

Golf: A pastime that gives people cooped up in the office all week a chance to lie and cheat outdoors.

Definitions Golf Sports

I know being a linesman is a thankless job, especially with guys like me around.

American professional tennis player
Sports