Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Thursday, April 3, 2025
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Subject:
Sports
(Page 117)
Senna’s car is absolutely unique, apart from the one following, which is identical.
David Coleman
(1926 – ) English sports commentator
Auto racing
Colemanballs
Misspokements
Sports
Two people fighting is not violence in hockey. It might be in tennis or bowling, but it's not in hockey.
Gerry Cheevers
Canadian hockey goalie & coach
Fights
Hockey
Sports
George Brett could get good wood on an aspirin.
Jim Frey
American baseball manager
Baseball
Sports
Hitting
On George Brett
Baseball is the only major sport that appears backwards in a mirror.
George Carlin
(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Baseball
Sports
Jack Dempsey hits like an epileptic pile-driver.
Harry Witwert
Boxing
Sports
Jack Dempsey
Punches
Punt returns will kill you quicker than a minnow can swim a dipper.
Darrell Royal
(1924 – 2012) American football player & coach
Football
Sports
Punt returns
A school without football is in danger of deteriorating into a medieval study hall.
Frank Layden
American basketball coach & executive
Education
Football
School
Sports
One of the worst things that can happen to you in life is to win a bet on a horse at an early age.
Danny McGoorty
American billiards champion & hustler
Activities
Sports
Betting
Gambling
Horse races
That guy has muscles in places most people don't have places.
Bucky Waters
American basketball broadcaster
Appearance
Basketball
Body
Sports
About sportscaster Tom Hammond
A good fighting club will beat a club that has superstars on it every time.
Punch Imlach
Canadian hockey coach & general manager
Hockey
Sports
Golf is an exercise in Scottish pointlessness for people who are no longer able to throw telephone poles at each other.
Florence King
(1936 – ) novelist, essayist & columnist
Sports
Golf
Pointless
Scots
Telephone poles
And there’s the man in the green flag!
Murray Walker
(1923 – ) English motorsport commentator
Auto racing
Misspokements
Sports
Pose nude for
Playgirl
? … I wouldn't pose nude for
Boxing News
.
John Conteh
English boxer
Boxing
Sports
On an offer after becoming world champion
All of his saves have come during relief appearances.
Ralph Kiner
(1922 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Baseball
Misspokements
Sports
One lesson you better learn if you want to be in politics is that you never go out on a golf course and beat the President.
Lyndon Johnson
(1908 – 1973) 36th U.S. president
Golf
Government
Politics
President
Sports
He [Magic Johnson] comes into the league with all that fancy stuff and they call it magic; I’ve been doing it for years and they call it schoolyard.
Joe Bryant
professional basketball player
Basketball
Misspokements
Sports
Magic Johnson
Because this is a title fight, I can have four people in the corner and I'll have an extra cut-man. I'll also have an extra stool, one for Vinnie to sit on, and the other to throw at him if he doesn't listen to me.
Lou Duva
(1922 – ) boxing trainer & manager
Boxing
Sports
On Vinnie Pazienza fighting Greg Haugen
I’ve seen better tennis playing in a tampon commercial.
Matt Bennett
(1991 – ) American actor, singer & screenwriter
Sports
TV/Movie Quotes
As Helen’s Stepson in “Bridesmaids”
Tennis
You either have to finesse 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty, or 11 who weren't smart enough to play offense.
Steve Fuller
Clemson quarterback
Football
Sports
On deciding between football or law school
Some guys are inwardly outgoing.
Ralph Kiner
(1922 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Misspokements
Sports
And Britain defeats the rest of the world to pick up the bronze medal.
Unknown
Misspokements
Sports
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